Day 15 Energy Vampires and the Value of Keeping things sacred and silent

Adam Waters had a great post today about energy vampires. I will go on a tangent about this. So, do not think in any way that Adam's post actually says this stuff. It's just that it got me on this train of thought. In a rare instance, should somebody who is not a fellow Adam-reader like Suzette and Jamie, be reading this at some time in the future you can go to Adam's blog and read his very good post here:

http://12weekphysique.blogspot.com/2007/07/day-249-to-digg-or-not-to-digg.html

I have found a lot of inspiration from my fellow bloggers, and it's caused me to run around cyber-space posting in forums instead of doing the work I need to do and as a result got me kind of cyber-sad. And then true to form, I read Adam's blog and it reminds me of something a teacher told me about keeping something sacred and silent. I'm not the person I once was. I used to be able to debate and argue and be entirely less sensitive to outer influences and could even be fueled by the temporary surge or rush that I would get from heated discussions and competition. Forgetting that I would crash a few days later over the repercussions of not realizing arguing somebody into a corner and mentally tearing them to shreds makes people feel stupid and kind of fear you or hate you or know the real truth about you, which is that I was insecure and in a painful dark place. I also had a hard time feeling my feelings and over time lost touch with my empathy, gratitude, compassion and joy. It seems like I was not the wall of Spock-like logic, I thought I was. I still HAD all the feelings of pain, sadness and disappointment, I just masked them with biting humor, sarcasm, and other stuff that I won't go into here. Stripped of those vices, and on a "transformation mission," as Adam would say, I must respect the value in providing myself with a safe space to work things out and keep my mission, "sacred and silent" until the time when I have developed enough to not be derailed by misunderstandings and people who exhibit many of the frailties I once (and still) showed and others that only by the grace of something a little bigger than me, I did not outwardly exhibit. I have no room to judge (even though it is tempting and I do anyway sometimes), I must look and see the greater Truth in these people. The Truth that is just temporarily masked by insecurities or other human illusions that are easy to be mesmerized by lack, jealous, the appearance of inharmony.

However, until I can look into the heart of every fellow man and see the inspiring part in them that I see in people like Adam and Suzette, I shall cast my gazes in the direction of sites where the light is easy for me to see. One day, maybe even soon, I will be able to realize the capacity that is within all of us, which is the ability to appreciate the miracle that is part of every person. That day is not today. And that's okay, too. I am very, very, human.

Yes journal (forgot to blog it yesterday, but I have not missed a journal yet YAY), yes meditation, danced to four songs (15 min) no stretching, five servings fruits and veggies, four glasses of water.

Stick fighting starts tomorrow. YIKES!

Gratitude list
1. work on my script today
2. yahoo answers
3. wikihow
4. simmered pork
5. Splenda now available in bulk for cheaper at the market
6. my comfy sneakers
7. comfy pajamas
8. cell phone that doubles as my alarm clock
9. Multi-purpse contact solution (remember when you had to buy saline AND disinfectant)
10. Law and Order re-runs