My title is Woody Allen Quote. So today is about showing up and posting.I've been feeling sad this week. I'm prone to that kind of thing. Being depressed has fallen out of fashion these day, which is a shame. In the eighties it was kind of big and I'm so good at it. I'M JOKING!!!!
However, there is this feeling that feeling sad is a sign that a person's done something wrong or something has to be done to FIX IT, STOP IT, GET OVER IT. I've met so many people who just advocate positive thinking their way out of sadness. For me, that only manifested itself into a bottling up of my feelings and an eventual numbing of ALL feelings--joy, contentment, fear, rage, sadness. All of it.
My dad died about ten years ago around this time. Strangely, this last week would have been his birthday. Did you know many people die right around their birthday? Isn't that weird? Also, it would have been my parents anniversary this month and those Father's Day cards and commercials are popping up. For the first four years, I didn't notice the pattern that I would be sad around this time. Honestly, it catches me by surprise every year. But I've been quicker to figure it out this year. I think it's because I'm living with my sister, and I just spent a lot of time talking about Dad with Mom this last year while I was in the Philippines. I miss him.
Plus, living without my own space and in a lot of clutter that I have no control over isn't as easy to handle when I'm this sad. But without any privacy it kind of adds to my stress. I just SNAPPED and had the biggest crying jag yesterday, which is hard to do when you live in a living room. I had to cry in the shower, which is actually kind of nice. If you're ever in a tight living situation and you need to cry, REMEMBER there's always the shower. :)
I like remembering my Dad, and it's sad, too. No need to remind me of good times or "he's in a better place" or any of that crap. No cheering up is required. Sometimes, and I would argue EVERY TIME, being sad is ok. Everything passes, and I've found it passes easier when I don't worry about how I have to get over "it" or whatever tons of well-meaning, but I feel misguided, people advocate. I get that there are a lot of people are just uncomfortable with grief or sadness or anxiety or fear, frustration, they think the only emotions worth feeling are the "good" ones: joy, peace, happiness, accomplishment, etc. But they're all gifts from God and part of being human. I just don't see the point in pretending only one side of the coin has worth. I used to be afraid if I "gave in" and felt all the sadness and fear that I would be ENGULFED by it and cry forever and just LOSE it. If you're reading this, and you think that way, don't worry. The tears feel good when you let them out. They rarely even last an hour.
Yesterday I'm grateful I got to:
• Eat FIVE servings of fruits and vegetables
• Meditate
• Read 1/2 chapter
• Drink FIVE glasses of water
5 comments:
OK Christy, I read your blog today, and what I got from it that I want to send you the BIGGEST HUG you can imagine. I understand how you feel about your Daddy, as I lost mine and feel the same. All I want is for you to be happy. Maybe after the down period that is what will happen. Thinking of you!
Lynda
Crying is good for you! :) So this will sound strange...but, I am glad when i can cry about something. In that moment i can truly FEEL. Not just about what triggered the tears but, just to FEEL keeps me in touch with the rest of the world, and its emotional well-being.
I can totally relate to the numbness phenom. My Dad passed away in 1997. He was 56. My parents were divorced so i didn't live with him, and was used to not having him around as a primary figure when i was growing up.
Let's just say i've never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve - it was trampled many times in childhood, and as a survivor of life's test i've mastered my emotions with my intellect. (which is not always a great thing)
It was very difficult to be at the funeral: that feeling of grief seemed to grip all but me.
On the otherhand: I could be watching a movie or the news - something sad happens and i will totally lose it. There's a pattern there of selective compassion that i cannot explain.
So it's nice to be reminded by my own tears that i am a compassionate human being.
It's been some time since i last cried. Glad you can cry and feel better :)
I've done the shower crying thing - it's a classic. Thanks for reminding me. I'll pencil it next time I'm feeling down.
The nice thing about a good cry is the feeling afterwards - like a weight has been lifted and then some perspective sets in and I think "I can't believe I was so upset about xyz!"
hugs from me too. i loved Christina's comments. I agree with Lilla about a good cry does make you feel good afterwards.
Christy, I love how you have come to terms with your sad moments. we all have them we just don't all admit we do and cry about them. crying is a good pressure release.
Real sorry to hear about yoour pain from your dad's passing. Let the tears flow and remind yourself of the gift he was to you and the rich memories you have that cannot be taken away. Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
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