You gotta work hard. But do I really? Somewhere I really overemphasized the value of effort. Do not get me wrong. I'm not saying hard work is a bad thing, but what if I flat out don't want to work hard? I've found that the stuff that I like to do and that seems to be of value to others is the stuff that I do naturally. Not necessarily without any effort, but it feels effortless. I don't know when or why I did it, but I devalued things that came to me easily and valued stuff that was hard to do. Sometimes the challenge is fun, but other times I'm just swimming against the tide for no reason other than working hard is supposed to be some kind of good thing. Another thing I've discovered I've done in the past, is to take something I do naturally that is fun, force it to match some other paradigm (you know, to make it better) and turned it into something that is no fun and suck the life right out of it.
Somehow I got it into my head that discipline was forcing myself to do things I did not want to do, but would somehow benefit from. In my mind, (and in some definitions of the word) discipline has a bit of a self-sacrificy-punishment-like connotation. But now, I think that true discipline is finding the courage to NOT do things I do not enjoy. You know to be true to myself like Shakespeare wrote. Sometimes I do need a kick in the butt stay true to myself. Like sometimes, I don't want to do a show to work out new material and since it's a not a "real booking" I might feel inclined to just stay home. Some nights, discipline would mean to get out there and just do it. I always know that I did the right thing, because when I get to the show that effortless feeling kicks in. So sometimes I must make an effort to get to what's effortless, but maybe even that switchover will eventually be effortless as I learn to listen to myself more, which is also coming with less and less effort. Hmmm. There is a fine line between a disciplined consistency that leads to enriched life, and the "foolish consistency" that Emerson wrote about.
There is something really elegant about effortless effort. When I see it in athletes, musicians, and artists, there is this an experience that is created that to me is where Man touches the Divine. There is the assumption that if you're not moving forward you're moving backward. But is that really true? Who is to say what is forward and where is back. What about Destiny? What if Free will is just be an invention of the Ego and does not truly exist? But these questions are for other posts in the future or just for my own enjoyment.
This is where people say, I think too much. There are times when analyzing is a bad idea (Suzette mentioned a great time like in relationships, where it is a good idea to just take it moment by moment). And I believe there will come a day when I when my questioning will stop, but that day is not today. To be honest, when a discussion comes up, and I start to really open and up and share my thoughts and somebody says, something like I think too much or what's the point you'll never be able to find an answer, I finding that kind of comment at best glib and many times even condescending and dismissive. Who the hell is someone else to randomly decide what is too much thought for me to have? People seem to be under the impression that this is a helpful response like somehow my thoughts are the source of what they perceive to be my problems or like these thoughts are tortuous to me. Much like Adam describes falling asleep dreaming of his workout or my friend stays up until four in the morning painting, these thoughts thrill me and keep me awake at night. But then even Adam cited some naysayers regarding his pursuits.
When I was a really little kid, there was a Little Miss Boca Gate Beauty Pageant that my friend Jenny Clayton was signing up for. I decided to sign up with her. The lady asked me if I had any hobbies. I was really little so I asked her what a hobby was. She said it was something you did for fun. I actually answered, "thinking." She asked me to clarify and I explained that I would sit on the steps of our porch or on top of the monkey bars in the schoolyard and just think of stuff. She gave me this look that I can almost remember. I could feel that the answer was "wrong" and that I thinking may not be considered an acceptable hobby. And then I added. "I also like rollerskating." You know what the lady said? "Does your Mommy know you're here?"
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5 comments:
You're on the right path with your ideas. Try not to overthink it though. I have personally found that overthinking it takes the joy out of it. Without the joy you won't stick with it.
Wow! that was a good post. I do have a question, Is over-analyzing the same as thinking too much? sometimes i feel i over-analyze things. but i don't feel that means the same thing as thinking too much. i like to think too. but not to the extent of over-analyzing. cause when i do it just hurts my brain. lol.
when someting becomes effortless, to me that means that you have done a certain thing so much that you are "expert" at that thing.
lots of good thought provoking words here, Christy! Thinking is good!
Michael thanks for coming by. I agree with you about joy. Although thinking brings me joy, but over-analyzing does not. I just recently was made aware of the distinction. lol
Suzette I think I may have used the term over-analyzing inter-changeably with thinking, but YOU'RE RIGHT. There is a HUGE difference. Over analyzing hurts my brain, too, but thinking brings me to ponder my connection with God and ultimately an experience that transcends thought. Thinking is good!
Christy, you sneaky girl. You give us yet another insightful and though provoking post, yet you still throw us a nice punchline with your last paragraph.
Not to make light of the rest of your post, but that little childhood memory was golden. It made me chuckle, but in a good childhood innocence and honesty sort of way. Of course your answer was right, but to her it was wrong, and her reply, "Does your mother know you're here". Oh man. Sorry, just too funny. I'm sure you could work that into a pretty good bit on stage.
Raiden Hmm. Maybe I will do a bit about it. That lady was so weird. My Mom didn't know I was there.
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