Day 20: Food and my floating head

I used to ignore stress and tax my body and mind constantly with no regard as to the toll it would take on me. Those days are not today. Circumstances have changed my mind and my body, and the option of ignoring stress, well, has been essentially removed.

These days, my body gives me very clear signs when it doesn't like something--shaking, passing out, hair loss, pain, the inability to move my leg, crazy rashes--I mean SUPER CLEAR Christy, ignore-these-at-your-own peril and detriment signs. It's a real gift.

It has FORCED me to be in tune my body. It's like I can't eat too poorly or drink way too much coffee, because I will REALLY feel it. Frankly, at first, I thought it was a real pain the ass, and I thought I got the shaft big time.

But in the last six months, I have found that I take greater pleasure in the movement and nourishment of my my body. I can really enjoy pain-free moments and the taste of food. I know when something tastes really good and feels really good that it is something that my body needs.

Example: My recent peanut butter (peaney butter as Lynda would say) cravings. I caught myself thinking, "What up with the peanut butter? What is in this stuff that is so damn good?"

I just knew there was something in there I needed. Guess what's the main nutritional value in peanut butter? The big winners are Niacin and Magnesium.

Niacin is vitamin B3, which assists in the functioning of the nervous and digestive systems.
Magnesium is a mineral that helps muscles function and helps maintain nerves and bones, too.

It's amazing the accuracy of my cravings. The condition I rehabbing for is a protrusion in my L5 S1 vertebrate that is causing sciatica symptoms. Essentially, I am feeling the effects of nerve impingement and my body keeps sending false signals to the muscles in my leg causing pain and lack of ability to control my leg properly. Blah, blah, blah.

The point, I really need that stuff. I also looked up the other food that I have loved to eat and craved. When I eat it I feel the joy of the food soaking into every inch of my body all the way down to my toes--CORN. (It is mentioned in one of my 14 Group Shred cartoons). I always thought corn was sort of high and carbs and calories for what you get. Turns out, when I look at the nutrition chart for where it really seems to win it is high in the B vitamins (which are so good for nerve stuff my doctor had me on supplements for a while) including the Niacin (6 mg) and the mineral Magnesium (211).

I'm sure a case could be made for any of the foods I've been eating, but maybe that is also the point. I'm looking to food to nourish my body first and foremost. I'm trying to keep the stress down in every arena of my life, including the food I eat. I eat what my body wants. (Not what my mind thinks would be tasty) And what it wants tastes like nobody's business. I mean, I had no idea how tasty peanut butter and PLAIN corn on the cob could be. It is really amazing.

I feel like I am an alien that has never tasted food before or something. It has been really weird. Especially recently, because I have been eating most of my meals in bed, alone. I have been super bored all bed-ridden and meal time is definitely the MAIN EVENT. So during meal time, I do nothing except taste and enjoy every bite of the food. But since the end of the 14 day part of the group shred, I could walk again. Something changed.

I caught myself over-eating a little here and there and not really enjoying the food. And I realized, I was eating in front of the TV or talking more than paying attention to what I was eating. The difference is incredible. I really miss out when I just mindlessly gulp.

I see what I've been doing all my life. It's like I was living in a giant floating head, and my body was just a slave that I beat hard and often. I whipped it to look good. I made it work injured and without sleep, and without feeding it basic foods and nutrients EVEN water. I ignored the slaves every need and request and felt its only purpose was to carry my King head around. And then when I would get sick or tired, the King Head would make lordly resolutions and plans that the slave would have to carry out without any say in the matter. It's actually funny.

I'm finally experiencing (not just understanding, but feeling, knowing, and realizing) what a miraculous machine my body is and how much it is a part of ME. It so obvious, but I have always maintained that the gaps between understand, knowing, and realizing is imperceptible and immeasurable.

My King Head keeps trying to rule, but I think there's a revolution taking place.