You ever cry so hard that your nose gets so stuffed up that if you close your mouth you can't breath? The tears stream down your face. You don't even care what you look like. You're all alone in a room. There are some sullen thoughts, but every once in awhile there is just pure relief. No thoughts, just emotion, just the unburdening of sadness and pain turned into the magic of tears.
I'm making loads of progress. My eating is really great, my business is doing great, I've been able to walk unassisted for a several yards at a time. All good stuff. I'm grateful for it all. But I'm most grateful for all the crying I've done.
I used to think to cry meant something different--like I was weak or wallowing or I just wasn't thinking positively enough and somewhere I'd gone wrong. But I realize it's not that at all.
It's a tremendous gift that I have learned to embrace--just letting myself cry. Instead of yelling at myself in my mind to think positive, reciting slogans and discounting my sadness, fear and pain, as unnecessary. I just feel it. And then, I can do what I always wanted to do with sadness, fear, and pain.
I can let it go.
It's taken so long to realize that in order to fully let something go, I actually have to hold it for at least a moment. What a difference that moment makes!
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4 comments:
You go ahead and cry! It is a good release(up to a point). It is great to see you coming full circle with things. You are making a true transformation! Transformations don't always have to be in the form of physical. We must transform our minds first! God doesn't always heal us physically, but our minds must surely be. If our heart and mind is where it should be, then our body will surely follow. This time away from the hustle and bustle of L.A. has surely proven to be life changing for you!
something i mentioned on adam's blog that i thought would be a cool idea was to form some kind of rtp group chat or individual chat via some instant message program. is this something you would be interested in? i use yahoo messenger which has cool features like "call", webcam viewing and of course the instant messaging. if you would like to join me in chatting i would love to. eventhough you are literally half a world away i am often up very late(eastern time). my yahoo id is.... hoopsmaster33(personal)
Cool. I'm up for it. I have iChat via my MacBook, but I do have a yahoo email. Eastern time is cool. I'm up until 2 am here, which is 2pm there.
Fabulous insight! You know, crying and holding the feelings for a moment prior to release also shows that you can care about yourself. Rather than stuffing the feelings and having them come out as subterfuge, sabotage or some destructive force that keeps you from attaining your goals, a brief boo-hoo can really be cathartic!
I hardly ever let myself cry, but this post has made me realize that I haven't been too good at acknowledging those hurts that I could sniffle over a bit in order to let go. It's all about consciousness in the end!
Hi, by the way. I've stumbled across these posts via Adam Waters' site. Just another middle-aged woman making a transformation!
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