Day Six (cont'd) I'm Still Gonna Call It A Victory

I'm very grateful that the dueling fates of pain management and bad weather aligned so I could get Day Six's photos up.

I'm gonna take a bit of the philosophy in one of Diane's posts about focusing on what you want to manifest. To that end, I am looking forward to a very productive and triumphant Day Seven to round out the week.

Thank you everybody for your very inspirational posts and comments and really great quotes.

If you have any other great inspirational quotes, thoughts or philosophies that you would like to share with me again today, I would love it.

Yes, as you guessed, yesterday's post was a Star Wars reference. The alternative title to this post was Bad Back Strikes Back, but I didn't want to geek out too much or focus on the negative. I got all that out by making fun of myself in my little comic, which actually was strangely cathartic.

Hope you all are doing great. I look forward to reading about your victories before I go to sleep here tonight and when I wake up in the morning fresh and ready for Day 7.

V for Victory - Day 6

Hey guys! Thanks for your very supportive comments. I'm still hoping to be able to get up in time to post photos tonight, but it's storming out and the power has surged a few times already,

I claim this photo posting as a victory.

Episode IV: A New Hope - Day 5!

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." - The Matrix

Today was a day of walking the path--literally. I had to push myself to practice walking without the walker and push my self to lie down and not sit up and look at blogs.

Pre-Mission Adam was very cool to spell out that this challenge is really about me over my mind. It couldn't be more true. So much of pain is in the mind.

And without any negative connotation or dip in my positivity, I can freely state that I was feeling a lot of pain and discomfort today. I no longer am trapped by the incorrect notion that admitting I feel pain is a sign of weakness or being negative. It just is. And that really takes away a lot of the power and fear that pain has held over me in the past.

What also helps is having my spirits lifted by other people's blogs, Adam's video, and inspirational material that I have been listening to regularly, it was easy to see the truth about that pain, which is that "this too shall pass."

My BEST physical therapist explained to me the point of my rehab is not to decrease my pain, it is to increase my functioning. Pain relief is more of a by product or secondary goal. I keep that in mind. It's only fitting that Joni wrote a very inspiring post about integrity, and Michael wrote about his thoughts on each person on our group challenge.

It's nice being able to go around and visit all your blogs. I'm really grateful for it. It gives me a feeling of being useful, which is a much-welcomed change. So, thank you all.

I am very excited about seeing each person's results on Day 14 as well as my own, but I am equally excited and grateful for the mission itself. I no longer work and sacrifice my today for a better tomorrow. I work on enjoying what the day brings and as a by product my tomorrows are better. And speaking of today, here's Episode IV of

Adam Waters and his band of RTP-blog.com Shredders

Today our shredders discovered new depths of integrity and may have emerged even more committed not just to this mission, but to other life's goals. It was stats day for shredder Andrew, and his results were so amazing he doubts their accuracy and has demanded a recount. Joni was back on the big blog and with an amazing ability to travel through time, Adam fixed it to look like she was never missing. Birthday surprises were in order for Sammy as he was given the perfect gift for any shredder--A GYM MEMBERSHIP.

Having survived the weekend without missing a step our shredders embark on a week.

Will this incredible success streak continue?
Will Katie join us in time?
Will Andrew's results be confirmed as true?

Follow all our shredders and get the full scoop in real time by visiting:

RTP-Blog.com

PS I just called this A New Hope as a reference to another one of my favorite movies. It's mulit-layered as well, but not as multi-layered as The Matrix. If you know the movie let me know in the comments or share a favorite movie quote of yours. I'm sure it's getting hard to think of ways to say, "Keep on shredding." lol Although, I like and APPRECIATE ALL COMMENTS.

Day Four Keep on keepin' on!

Hi guys! I'm shredding hard, and reading all of your workout routines and good advice has really given me the courage to do just one more rep on my rehab exercises. Even every minute I spend sitting up reading and commenting on your blogs is strength training for me.

Gotta rest before I over do it. Check out today's special guest star.

Special thank you to Michael for a really great post about his own back surgery and recovery. Thank you.

Shred hard everybody. I hope your Day 4 is awesome. Being with you on this mission is just what the doctor ordered for me. Thank you, Adam, and RTP Shredders.

Recap tomorrow. I've got to save my sitting up time for blog visiting!

I learned a lesson today AND Episode 2 - Day 3

My Mini-Milestone

It's amazing how many feelings one can go through when on a mission.

I have been so excited I can't sleep. I just read blogs and check for comments and then read more blogs and make more comments and then watch Adam's videos. I'm like a crazy woman.

Today I was incredibly frustrated and then very excited to have hit a personal milestone, followed by complete exhaustion.

In response to my persuasive inquiries on my visit the day before this mission, my ortho approved me for some light-weight, arm exercises with the conditions that 1) I haven't had traction on that day. 2) If I am at all light-headed, no go. My blood pressure is running lower than its usual low (90/65 instead of my regular 110/70). 3) If I'm feeling any numbness in my limbs or sharp pain or shooting pain no matter how brief, quit everything and lie down flat until it subsides.

I got permission late on Thursday, but I had these weird pains. Friday, I had traction, no go on that. Saturday, I was feeling light-headed from my meds. So I cut down on my meds to make sure I could do something besides back exercises, today. But when I cut down on my meds: tons of pain, and scary numbness in my left arm.

I totally relate to Andrew's post today about it being hard to take a rest day. It's so hard to remember that for my goal to happen on Day 14, REST (not just sleep I get tons of that) but flat on my back, feet up, no moving REST, in addition to my exercises is an important part of my transformation. I know it may sound like it's easy, but I'm jazzed and hyper and I want sit up, practice standing, practice my posture, try to take steps, stretch, do back exercises, and read blogs for hours. It is so hard to just lay still. I mean, for crying out loud, I'm on a mission. I sometimes keep thinking, "I gotta do SOMETHING, right?"

Wrong. Life is always teaching me lessons. It's kind of annoying. lol. But today I learned one. Some times on some days in some moments, you have to learn to do nothing. It's both powerful and peaceful, and even rewarding. After my time of doing nothing, I realized that it can even be the best course of action. It allowed me to hit my first mission milestone. (see today's comic/photos)

If you look really close, you can see I've even shifted weight onto my right leg! It's not as folded in front of the other leg. I haven't been able to put barely any weight on my right leg or lock my knee even slightly. UNTIL TODAY. To paraphrase Diane, I am quite pleased.

And Now ...

Episode Two of Adam Waters
and his Band of RTP-blog.com Shredders

When we last left off Adam had led a group of 14 shredders on a 14-day, real time, transformation mission. Since day one, the band has increased to 15. Nearly sidelined due to technical problems, Alex joins the Team RTP-Shred in full force.

Our shredders underwent a myriad of triumphs from lunch with kids and cooking for family to rest days spent in the pool to victory over the temptation of a candy aisle. Spurred on to victory by an inspirational video from Suzette and comments from fellow shredders and onlookers alike our team still holds strong.

But many questions remain:

Will all 15 members be able to hold firm through the weekend?
Will Joni opt to cover her beautiful face on the big blog?
Will Adam finally get enough sleep for his double shred?

These questions answered and more when you tune in to: Episode 3.

Visit RTP-blog.com to tune into the events in Real Time. You can even learn of each heros individual adventures by clicking on their blog links. Collect all 15 action figures. Oh, okay, but be a REAL HERO and buy a t-shirt or other official Real Time Physique merchandise in the RTP store. ;)

PS Drop me a comment. I'm only checking them obsessively like twenty times a day.
PSS Thank you to everybody for coming by and all the kind words of encouragement. It makes a load of difference.

DAY Two: Our Adventure Continues ...

Join me and my fellow RTP -blog.com (see blogroll) shredders, as we embark on a journey of a lifetime--A 14-Day Group Shred. Want to be a Super Shredder like Adam Waters?

Check out his blog, follow along at home and tune in to the REAL TIME transforming adventures of his trusty band of shredders:

... Suzette, Andrew, Dougal, Diane, Debbie, Michael, Samuel, Bec, Massimiliano, Josh, Joni, Miriam, Katie, Marbella and me, Christy ...

as we are challenged and rewarded.

Episode One:
Day One brought on many challenges for Adam and his band of shredders from serious family health concerns (prayers to Suzette's family everbody) to camera woes, and yet every shredder emerged the day triumphant.

Can this incredible amount of success be continued? Can people really change their lives in JUST 14 Days? Will every shredder make it to Day 14?

Tune in tomorrow for tomorrow's exciting Day 2 REAL-TIME TRANSFORMING episode of ...

Adam Waters and his band of RTP Shredders.

PS feel free to come back here for each day's recap and post a comment.

Day 1: Super secret swimsuit (gulp) photos revealed

I don't have photoshop, but I found out this Comic Book program came pre-loaded in my MacBook!

So here are my super secret photos. I've been taking a few photos (just for me) since I started following along with Adam. I even took the Adam Water's patented hostage photo with a newspaper Day One Shot. BTW, I've lost 25 lbs, since I started lurking in Adam's RTP-Blog!

I was taking these today, and as I was putting on shorts for the photo I had planned to post a thought popped into my head.

"What the heck. Why be afraid? Soldier up and post them."

My primary goal as stated above is to lose the walker, but I'm VERY open to a physical transformation. I've gotten the okay for my ortho to do some upper body light weights, and I'm doing the Weight Watchers online program. I've lost 4 lbs in the last two weeks. (That brings it down to 158!)

Maybe I'll even get the courage to post my newspaper, hostage photo, on Day 14. But this took all the courage I can muster for now. lol

Happy Day One everybody! Thanks, Debbie, B, Andrew, Dougal (your comment added to my photo posting courage) and SUZETTE AS ALWAYS for stopping by pre-mission and your well wishes. This is short for me, because I'm eager to read and comment on all your blogs. Plus, the comic book thing took forever! I have no idea how Adam gets all this stuff done and works full-time.

THANK YOU ADAM FOR PUTTING THIS TOGETHER!

Welcome to my rocket ship to wellness!Come aboard!

FYI: Taking photos using a timer when you've got a walker, is a workout in itself.

Hello fellow shredders, and by fellow shredders, I as always, mean Suzette (see blog roll) and hey, but maybe I'll get some visitors because of Adam's challenge. I offer these dark, blurry photos of me, (which kind of remind me of those photos of the Loch Ness monster or Big Foot, because you can't quite make out what's going on) as my Pre-Day 1 test photos. Let's hope they get better!

I've opted to do the private shred for technological reasons. I had no idea what Adam (see blog roll) meant by pixel size and re-size photos and then I got kind of tired and felt, yes, it is my destiny to do the "private shred."

I love Adam's challenge.
I am having the greatest time with Adam's challenge, and it's already transforming my life. I went to my ortho today to tell him that I fully intend to ditch my walker in two weeks, and we talked about how we (my therapists, he, and I) can make that happen. This is NEW BEHAVIOR for me. It wasn't always so.

To be brutally honest, I've found doctor's offices and hospitals incredibly intimidating. I grew up, I don't want to say poor because my family was very rich in other respects, so I'll just call it, "money-lite."

Growing up money-lite, every time I went to the doctor (which meant I was REALLY sick) I would just melt into a pool of guilt and inadequacy.

In my kid mind, going to the doctor cost a gazillion dollars. My screw-up of getting sick meant that somebody was gonna have to work over-time or take days off work and get yelled at by their boss just to take care for me. I just wanted to not bother anybody--especially not important, non-money light doctor people. I felt, if you can believe it, ashamed--ashamed of not being okay. Now, I know the truth. Sick or healthy, I was always okay. But that lesson took a long time to learn. And life delivered the lesson via an unlikely source: a 19 year-old girl who went to PetCo to buy her dog a leash.

She thought her light was green ...
She made a mistake. I've almost made that mistake myself. I, despite the fact that time would reveal I was actually injured, looked into the eye of the ambulance driver with my completely smooshed Dodge Neon in the intersection behind me, and said, "I'm okay." I didn't want to make a fuss.

The pain set in over the next few days, I was forced to seek care, a flurry of paperwork, weird insurance stuff, a law suit followed. I was even re-injured WHILE in physical therapy, because I didn't want to bother the lady with what was probably, nothing. I finally hurt too much to pretend I was okay. Life MADE me speak up. It's funny how you have to admit you feel not okay to finally realize, you were always okay. Does that make sense?

Over the last three years I have seen so many therapists and doctors (I've been injured and healthy. If you're just tuning in the walker is a recent, flare-up. I haven't been crippled this whole time) and slowly I started to speak up. I realized nobody knows my body better than me. I started being less afraid. Not just in this area of my life, but all across the board. When this challenge was posted on Adam's blog, I thought somehow, I'm gonna figure out how I can do it. And for me, there was a tipping point of a transformation that has been three years in the making.

You are the pilot.
When I went into the doctors office today, I was informed, I was in charge, and I was as Adam would say, "on a mission." I became not just an active participant in my health and well being, I became the leader. I am the pilot of this rocket (my body).

I've lost 4 lbs since my last visit just two weeks ago. I've upped my commitment to myself, and my continued wellness. This challenge couldn't come at a better time. By committing to myself and allowing myself to be okay where I am at any moment be it injured, in transition, a little weirded out, depressed or happy. I've given myself the means to put myself in the drivers seat and accept this challenge even though my flight plan doesn't necessarily match everybody else's.

You are already a success.

If you're taking your BEFORE photos today and you feel moved to do it. SMILE! Enjoy where you are, be grateful for what you have and EVERYTHING it has taken for you to have it in you to commit to this challenge and invest in your health. Yes, you are transforming, but be open to the idea that in order to be ready, a transformation has already taken place. Congratulations!

It takes sixty-five thousand errors before you are qualified to make a rocket.’— Werhner von Braun

3-2-1 Blast-Off!

RTP 14-Day Group Shred: Public or Private -- I always have many thoughts

Warning: Disjointed blog post. I'm blogging on meds. I will not be operating any heavy machinery while typing this post.

There's a private way to do the shred. The accountability will be there because of the link or there's the option of having photos posted on Adam's blog (see blogroll, left).

I would have thought I would have instantly jumped to the private option. But that's not where I'm at anymore.

Yesterday, I blogged about the body stuff and my fears and hesitations. After I wrote them out they started to fade. Then I read Suzette's blog (see blogroll) and comments and red other people's blogs and comments and realized, I'm not the only one. And it faded more. Then, I even thought. Hey, I have a built in excuse why I won't visually show such a big result, I can barely walk. What do I even have to lose? It's a victory to just give it my all, and enjoy my day of discounted shopping. [Total aside: I couldn't decide between the t-shirt and the hoodie, and now I'm gonna have both.]

In short, I could go either way. I'm leaning toward doing the private to save Adam the trouble of having to upload more photos and me the trouble of trying to determine pixel sizes and stuff. I already know how to post photos on this thing so that would be easier. But there's a part of me that thinks it would be very freeing to just go public walker and all. And say, "hey, this really is about me being doing what it takes to hold me accountable." There is accountability either way, but there is definitely a little more, to use an Adam term "positive pressure" on Adam's blog. But is that too much pressure?

There's a part of me that also thinks it would be better for Adam's business to have more dramatic transformations on his blog and not my transformation. On the other hand, could my kind of transformation show in a photo what I believe to be true about his blog and value as a coach? That it's not just about a workout plan or nutrition, it's about making a choice and holding yourself accountable. If I succeed in getting rid of my walker on Day 14, would that not be a dramatic transformation and a great start?

From what I can tell about Adam from his blog is that he cares about helping his readers more than his business. So, I doubt, he cares one way or the other, and he wouldn't begrudge me either way.

So I thought. Hey, I'll lay myself open for some advice and some more blog reading. I'm gonna see how I feel at the end of the day after reading YOUR blogs. I'll post my decision tomorrow.

So, which way are you gonna go, public or private?

A few postscripts:

1) Hello to Debbie. Thank you for visiting, and saying nice things. My favorite kind of visiting.
2) Going to see my orthopedist today to discuss my goals and WEIGH myself. Will post weight tomorrow.
3) I reserve the right to just blindly follow what Suzette does. lol
4) This is already working. I worked a MILLION times harder in physical therapy today, did more exercises at home, and my eating is still very awesome. (yay Weight Watchers online)
5) It looks like there's going to be way more women on this shred than men. Ladies REPResent!

14-Day Group Shred With Photos - Yikes

Adam Waters of RTP-blog.com (see blogroll) upped the accountability quotient re: his 18 Day challenge. In just a few days, he's starting what he calls a 14-day Group Shred.

Yikes #1 - My Christy-wants-to-ditch-this-walker Mission really doesn't qualify as a shred by any stretch of the imagination. But I read the rules very carefully, and it does not preclude crazy walker ditching plans. And, a walker-ditching plan MOST DEFINITELY qualifies as a physical transformation mission. So I've got that on my side, but there's more.

Yikes! The Sequel- To insure the highest level of accountability RTP-VIP members will E-mail Adam photos DAILY to post on his blog to up their commitment to their program.

Here's the deal. Umm. I'm not sure my Weight Watchers, water-drinking, physical therapy exercises are going to exactly SHINE through in 14 days worth of pictures. Plus, I'll have to use the walker to stand up straight. That's gonna look weird, and I don't like looking weird. Although, just glancing at my walker, I can see how I can turn the front part to the back so I can be seen in the photo. Then again, maybe I don't want to be seen.

Wow. I'm having a lot of feelings about this. I can't believe I am nervous about a photo. I do stand-up comedy for a living. Why is this scarier?

Oh, yeah, because this is about my body. Body stuff + people seeing body = scary. People actually read Adam's blog. Here on my blog, it's just the occasional passer by and SUZETTE (see blog roll). Even though I keep writing it like it's a real blog. You know for those mythical readers in the future. Plus I haven't taken a photo in SIX weeks so it doesn't even show on the page any more. I like my low populated, low accountability, photo-light blog that in my mind is to be only discovered posthumously and then lauded to be incredible without me having to feel weird, and by weird I mean scared and flat-out, like they say in old Westerns - YELLAH!

Despite my comfort with my blog obscurity level and what I think is DAMN GOOD progress to date, I must say, I feel myself scheming. Thoughts bubble out of my nervous, little brain ... thoughts like maybe I'll ask my therapist if I can do arm exercises with light arm weights, maybe she can approve a few more ab and leg exercises, I'm already eating super clean with Weight Watchers, but I will definitely be drinking more water. Hmm. Maybe there is something to this daily photo posting thing.

I won't do anything that my therapist says no to, and I'll run my ideas by my therapist before putting them into action. I've got to be extra careful, because of the pain meds. Most importantly, I will make a committed effort to put my HEALTH FIRST--not vanity.

That said, what am I going to wear?

18 Day Challenge!

Adam Waters is on his final 18 days of his third physique transformation mission. (see blogroll to check his blog). It will mark ONE ENTIRE YEAR of life-changing transformation. And to commemorate these 18 days he's issued a challenge to his readers--to put ALL their effort into the next 18 days of their body transformation program. My cyber-friend Suzette (see blogroll) has accepted this challenge in the face of a tremendous amount of family responsibilities.

This got me thinking. What could I do to change my life in 18 days even with my current back problems? What would I want to accomplish in these next 18 days?

Only one thing came to my mind. WALK! Yes, I'd love to lose weight. I've been doing Weight Watchers for over a week. And knowing that losing weight will ease the pressure on my spine and all this pain is a HUGE motivator, but more than anything in the next 18 days I want to ditch this walker and walk on my own power for more steps than just getting to the bathroom three yards away from my door. I want to be able to walk to the kitchen, get myself a drink and come back to my room ALL ON MY OWN. Maybe even go outside, bend down and pet my dog.

To that end, I am committed to spending more time sitting up at my desk, practicing my posture, leg and knee exercises, daily meditation and spiritual reading or lecture listening series, blogging daily, drinking more water, staying on Weight Watchers, visualizing walking, and pushing really hard (but not to re-injure) in my therapy sessions.

If you're reading this, come do it with us! No matter where you are or what obstacles may seem to be in front of you, you can do something. But always remember no matter what gets done or not done, you are (and I am) enough--always.

Alive and kicking - Hello to Cyd

Just thought I would write something really quick. I have physical therapy in a few hours and haven't been to bed yet so I want to get in some sleep. It's official. I've joined Weight Watchers online. It's been going pretty good. I've been following the plan with some room for improvement on the water and milk serving end. The milk here tastes funny and they don't have cheese and fat free icecream as much. Plus, the power keeps going out making the dairy go bad. Other than that it's been pretty easy. Now, if only I could get my hands (or better yet my feet) onto a scale today. They are not as easy to come by in the Philippines.

I'm walking a little bit without the walker. I'm a little bugged that I still need the medication for the pain, but I've opted to just take it when the pain starts to hurt, but BEFORE it gets really bad. I tried meditating through the pain, but the weakness in my legs still happens so I can't walk. I can't let those muscles get too stagnant. In short, I'll just take the stupid pills for NOW. But in a few days, I'm leaving the option out there that I might try again.

CYD! Welcome. Isn't Adam's blog great! If you haven't already, check out Suzette's blog (see blogroll), it's really cool. And Kriistina is really doing and RTP stellar job. I checked your profile, but it did not seem to have a blog attached. Do you have one? If you don't go ahead and start one, and I'll visit you. Nice to cyber-meet you. Thanks for stopping by.

It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to ...

You ever cry so hard that your nose gets so stuffed up that if you close your mouth you can't breath? The tears stream down your face. You don't even care what you look like. You're all alone in a room. There are some sullen thoughts, but every once in awhile there is just pure relief. No thoughts, just emotion, just the unburdening of sadness and pain turned into the magic of tears.

I'm making loads of progress. My eating is really great, my business is doing great, I've been able to walk unassisted for a several yards at a time. All good stuff. I'm grateful for it all. But I'm most grateful for all the crying I've done.

I used to think to cry meant something different--like I was weak or wallowing or I just wasn't thinking positively enough and somewhere I'd gone wrong. But I realize it's not that at all.

It's a tremendous gift that I have learned to embrace--just letting myself cry. Instead of yelling at myself in my mind to think positive, reciting slogans and discounting my sadness, fear and pain, as unnecessary. I just feel it. And then, I can do what I always wanted to do with sadness, fear, and pain.

I can let it go.

It's taken so long to realize that in order to fully let something go, I actually have to hold it for at least a moment. What a difference that moment makes!

Feeling great!

Just checking in super quick. Two physical therapy sessions down, and I'm already doing much better. I've been doing Weight Watchers online. The free one week. I'm able to take steps without the walker. Plus, I was able to go out to a cafe for lunch, because we could practically drive to the table! It's nice to be outside. Great day to be outside. Great day in general.

Grateful for OUTDOOR CAFES w/ views of the ocean. Mixed vegetables and lanzones!

And the tv show HEROES.

Overwhelmed by cyber kindness and excitement ...

My cyberfriend, Suzette, put up a tremendously moving blog (see blogroll) and I'm so thankful for it. She is an inspiration to her family, and supportive to us formerly "virtual strangers" but now virtual friends. She's lost over 50 pounds and keeps on going. Check out her blog.

My other cyberfriend, Adam Waters (see blogroll) has been gaining popularity and even took one of my suggestions into account for his next semi-secret project. Go over and check it out what it is. He's going to be on Japanese tv.

And everything happens in threes. I wrote about my short film writing and stand up comic friend Brett Gilbert who is directing several of my short, shorts TODAY. One of his short film series Indestructable Man that he's uploaded to Youtube, is going to be on a US network television show soon.

Everything is going so well. I've been using most of my sitting up time for commenting on other people's blogs, so I haven't posted. I'm a little tired so I'll sign off for now.

I LOVE THE INTERNET AND THE PEOPLE I'VE MET BECAUSE OF IT.

Holy crap! It worked! I've lost weight!

OMG! My weird plan has actually worked. I have not stepped on a scale or done anything to check my progress except take two before (one I keep hidden) and an after photo like two months ago (I saw some change), but other than that I just had to take it on Faith.

I had TWO major victories today. The first was seeing how much weight I lost.

The second was even bigger, I was able to stand on the scale with weight on both legs, no walker, nobody holding me for long enough to read the scale ALL BY MYSELF.

It was awesome stepping onto the scale. The stepping part and the number part.

When I left Los Angeles I weighed 185, I now weigh (insert drumroll)

162 pounds. I've lost 23 pounds. Whoopee!

Feeling really happy to be mentioned in Adam's blog

I wrote a different entry today, but I just deleted it. Here's the mooshy, gooshy Truth. I just checked into Adam Waters RTP blog (see blogroll) and he mentioned my little blog here as part of his bloggers. I AM SO happy to be included. Why?

Because for quite some time, I've had pangs of outsider feelings regarding what is in my mind the real RTP people. It's silly, but it's an old story for me. It's funny how things from when you're a kid kind of follow you. For one reason or another, I never seemed to be able to do things the real way, the normal way, and fit in and be like everybody else. And what's hilarious is that the entire RTP concept is pretty unique in and of itself. It's not "normal" it's pretty extra-ordinary, which is why these kind of thoughts are really old thinking. But old thinking takes a while sometimes to fade out completely. Now, I know there are tons of advantages to being, how did my teachers put it "different," "special," "odd." I've grown to really dig it about myself, I do (mostly). But I wish I could just turn it off for a second sometimes. It's funny to look at some days. But sometimes when I try so hard to just do it like everybody else and despite the fact that I'm a pretty clever gal it still turns out NOTHING like what everyone else does it drives me crazy--literally. But that is another story for another day.

Back to RTP blog ... I read Adam's blog six month's ago. It inspired me to go on my own physical transformation and start my own website (see blog roll for My Thank You Site Blog).

I knew I had to start slow, because I have a spinal injury from a car accident three years ago. And also, to scale back on too much pressure to keep myself from getting too gung ho and re-injuring myself or feeling like a big ole failure and quitting. I m prone to depression and anxiety. It's no big thing, it's like diabetes for your brain. You just kind of learn doing this kind of stuff with this kind expectations spikes my brain up really high and then after a bit of time it drops like a rock.

So I started with just drinking water, meditating, dancing in my room, and being grateful for being where I was. It made me happy. It was working. I didn't hurt much at all.

I got kind of cocky. I decided to buy the books Adam had online. After all, my back could be cured? As fate would have it, (fate the seems to preclude me EVER doing things like all the other cool kids. Hello, Mom why can't I have Jordache jeans lol) my credit cards (all THREE) wouldn't work.

I wrote Adam, he said it should work. I called my bank, and they said the cards should work. Finally, I find out that there's this little-known rule in Clickbank security feature that cannot be over-ridden, which is a security feature that does not allow credit cards with a billing address in one country to be used outside that country! I'm here in the Philippines on an extended visit, but I LIVE in LA. Oh fate.

But the very next day, I met my Arnis teacher. My transformation journey took a turn to include martial arts!

My feeling of weirdness subsided by the joy of doing martial arts. Then, this injury came about nearly three weeks ago. At first, I thought it wasn't serious. Then, it got worse.

And I've been in bed with even more time to read everybody's blogs, and still thinking in my head, I can do this, I'm still transforming or whatever in my own odd way that makes me me and I dig that (mostly). But every once in awhile, I would read a little something in Adam's blog and think to myself, but I'm not really doing it. I'm not taking photos or Metabolic surging or HIT cardio-ing, or setting goals or anything. I'm just doing little stuff and feeling good about it (WHICH I am very PROUD OF), but these people must think I'm some sort of weirdo.

"Maybe this RTP blog is just for people who are doing the RTP plan?" Then I had this sort of thought that is hard to describe, but I'll explain it like ... did you ever have like a group of close friends at work and there was this slightly odd woman who was nice and everything, but just like never could click in the conversation, and every time she joins you for lunch or hangs out in the breakroom each of her comments are just like kind of not at all what you're talking about. I started thinking I was that woman in these blogs.

Haha, my brain just does stuff like that. But now I'm thinking that if there are any other odd ducks out there with health problems that still want to transform their body but can't for whatever reason do it the Superman Adam Waters Way or the Super Woman Suzette and Kriistina way, they can do it the just as Super-But-A-Little-Different Christy way.

No matter what, there is always SOMETHING you can do, but whatever you get done, it is and YOU ARE (and I AM) ALWAYS ENOUGH.

Business is great - legs hurt

I've been attempting to walk a little more, but I really have to dial it back. It is starting to look like I may not be able to go home on the 30th. I just cannot go back if I can't walk and make my own meals and stuff. Here I have my mom and our housegirl Josie to assist. Plus, healthcare here is so much more affordable.

My website had its first 1,000 visitor day!

My food is good. My cyber-friend Suzette wrote about weighing yourself. I'm hoping this Thursday at the doctor, I can stand long enough to be weighed on the scale. I'll post it if I can. It will be a victory on two levels. :-)

I may join Weight Watchers online. It's something I can do while laying in bed to get closer to my goals. Just mulling things over.

Walking again ... with a little help.

I went to the doctor. My condition is "structural" and most likely will be reoccuring. I am really not believing that too much, because I lasted through six weeks of martial arts training, and I can identify the very second this injury took place. I'm learning more and more about my body and really feel like, I can work through this and work hard on the preventative side once I heal.

I was getting bummed out a bit. And that's cool, because in a lot of ways being 35 years old, and having these mobility issues IS indeed a bummer. But, I'm walking--thanks to my new WALKER!!!

Yikes! I'm 35, and I use a walker. But I am grateful for it. I was in the cab today. The radio was on. People were walking around enjoying their Saturday. I saw the ocean. The sun was bright. It felt good to be outside. I caught myself just being grateful to see people walking around. It was nice.

I hurt often, but it is not the pain that gets me. I'm afraid again. I'm afraid of pushing too hard and not being able to move at all again. Somewhere while doing the martial arts training, I forgot to be afraid of not being able to walk. And, my greatest fear came true. I injured myself and I'm back at doctors. More meds. More physical therapy. More having to rely on other people to take care of me.

Although being in bed and not being able to just walk to get a diet coke or get a pen or something genuinely sucks at times, it is not nearly as bad as that fear. Being afraid to try again and lose what little I have.

I love poker, and my best friend Sylvia is a professional handicapper. Every gambler knows. Scared money is dead money. Putting my energy into protecting what little I have, only insures that I will never have more.

I cannot be afraid of hurting. I cannot be afraid of injury. That fear does not keep the injury form happening. It just makes the process of healing and growing less fun.

I'm just tryingt psych myself up with this post. My worst fear has come true. Here it is. And when I just take it one small step at a time, focus on what I can do (instead of what I cannot), allow myself to receive the love and help from the people around me, I can see the Truth about me and my situation.

Everything is always happening exactly as it should. I am always okay.

Embracing the journey

I had to take a break from sitting up too much, but I'm feeling a lot better. I can even put some weight on my right leg a little. I have one shot left to go and have finished off two of my medications. I will be so happy to walk freely again. I have been doing great watching my food intake. I am just SO DETERMINED to lose weight. If I can lose 30 lbs, it will make a BIG difference on my back. There is nothing like pain as a motivator.

It's really strange how things work out. I was really worrying about what to do when I get back to The States. I have made so much progress in my writing and online business site, but I was really feeling the pressure to get a job and back-burner my true-life passion in the name of survival. That is a mistake I have made so often. I have had the guts to take big risks, but I have fallen prey to the well-intentioned idea that the right thing to do is get a job and wait until I can afford to pursue my interests more.

What always happens is that I have no time or extra energy outside of my work. I've read that some say the price of not following your life's purpose is depression and anxiety. I can relate to that. I see other people who actually have done the part-time dream and leveraged it into full-time success. I envy those people. However, each time I have attempted to do that I have failed. It's like life keeps teaching me this lesson over an over again, and I keep trying to follow that path to success.

There are some people who just jump in and despite not having "all their bases" covered manage to start their business on a shoe-string, finish college, and all kinds of stuff. Sure the other way is "smarter" and looks on the surface for me to be "better." But it all is a question of FAITH.

Here's what makes this time different. I can't stand for long periods of time. I can only type in a reclining position. I cannot do any lifting or bending. I will NOT actually have the physical capacity to get that job to tide me over, and I AM GRATEFUL to NOT have that temptation.

This time I have to try a different route for success. It is my only option and I'm very grateful for that. Because a different route means a different result. And I'm all for that.

Thanks for reading. Good luck with all your life's journeys.