Firstly, and most importantly, Congratulations Fellow Shredder Council Members on reaching Day 84 and beyond! It has been a pleasure and an honor to be in your company. And a very big thank you to Adam for all your hard work, encouragement and inspiration.
I've been using my limited Internet time to do business and manage my banking. It's been highly sporadic and VERY SLOW. I must say I broke my own rule about staring at my Day 84 photos and was horribly depressed by them. I felt super bloated and still feel sick from eating some bad pork a few days ago, and really felt like my photos looked way better in recent weeks. I get that there is improvement, and I'm very grateful about all of our successes and just loved that Adam video. But when I get caught up in results and wanting to impress people, I really set myself up to for a major letdown. It's just how I'm wired. I'm feeling really disconnected from my fellow shredders. I'm sure it has something to do with the Internet, but also, my returning to the States. My health concerns have caused me to adopt a slightly different "slow but steady" and way less than hardcore attitude toward my "transformation." Truth be told, I prefer it. Is it wrong to not care if I never lose another pound, just as long as I can walk freely and work my way up to being able to run? I don't care what my bodyfat percentage is or if I eat six times a day as long as I don't feel like I want to die or lose the feeling in my face? I just want to be healthy and happy and be excited about what I have to do each day. I feel like my thoughts and ideas about life and everything run kind of counter to what "shredding" is all about. Like I'm bringing everybody down and just some big weirdo with my whatever you get done today is enough attitude. But honestly, when I operate like that good things happen for me, but sometimes when I get to "into" this shredder thing, I forget all about that kind of thinking, and get kind of sucked into the "gotta do more be more" old Christy thinking. For some reason, everybody else can handle and have fun with pushing themselves, but I either fall into some horrible pit of despair or get all manic and crazy until I end up re-injuring myself or being put on disability for my job. I really like this new way of doing things, so I'm not asking for advice. I'm just feeling disconnected and kind of like a freak. Like, "Why am I here?" "Am I really a shredder?" "Would they be better off without me?" "Does it really even matter to anyone but me?"
Man, I really shouldn't have stared at those photos.
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11 comments:
Christy, I know you don't want advice so I won't give you any. just my opinion! WE are all on our own journey to somewhere. How you get to where you want to go is up to you. I don't think being a "shredder" has any set rule saying you have to focus on any numbers(ie, weight loss, clothing size, etc.)It is a group of people with the same goal of that of being fit and healthy and so happens to be in this journey with a guy named Adam Waters. It is about encouraging and supporting one another in whatever goal you have. I don't care whether you lose another pound or not, either. What I do care about is the fact that you have been one of the best supporting and encouraging people on this shred and even before this whole shred thing started. For that I am grateful. If you just sat back and become our best cheerleader that would be ok with me. I don't want you to feel you have to "live up to" something that doesn't need to be. YOu are you and we love you for who you are! You do what you have to do for you to be fit and healthy.
I do know that if it wasn't for your active participation in this "shred" from the beginning it would not have been the same!
so i concur, you shouldn't have stared at those photos. lol!
OK Christy, you know me...I'm gonna lay it out there. I preach and preach the same thing over and over again and it applies to your situation...you have to listen to your body and do what works for you. If pushing yourself results in an injury, you shouldn't be doing that. I've learned from experience and it is a big part of the eBook I'm in the midst of writing. You listen to your body and your mind and you make the decisions that work for you. As Suzette says, being a "shredder" has no set rule of what you MUST focus on. To me this has been about a loving and supportive group of people. Everyone has been an amazing source of support and that has gotten me personally motivated. You've been special from the very start. I have 3 URLs memorized from the Shredder Council and your's is one of them. I visit your blog daily and I've read every single word you've written here. You are an amazing person and you, I repeat YOU know what is best for YOU. Just know that all of us love you very much and we will support you no matter how you approach your "shred". Just hang in there sweetie.
Hi Christy, I sceond everything Suzette and Michael have said. You have been a rock for many Shredders and we all look forward to reading your blog daily because you speak the truth as you see it. In a world that has its fair share of cynics and naysayers (especially online) it is great to connect with you and like-minded Shredders who are real people on a journey that is symbolically tied to weight loss.
I believe that the weight loss aspect is important because it is the perfect metaphor for life changes, and here's the thing, you have not only transformed
your physique (remember your original 14 day goal?) but you have also drawn many people in to your life and we can now see that you are changing your life as well.
We will support you Christy in whichever direction you decide to go. Just know that we care about you.
Adam
Michaell, Suzette and Adam really sum it up well. So I'm just going to say I really, really, really hope you stay! You're one of my BCFF (Best Cyber Friends Forever!)
Love, Lilla
Christy, try not to be so down on yourself. Remember You Are Enough! Do not compare yourself to others, compare yourself to where you started. You are doing great, lady. We all love what you give back as well to us fellow shredders. You are an inspiration!
Hope you're feeling better today.
Debbie
Hi Christy!
What I want you to know today and tomorrow and all the other days to come is this: That you are wonderful just the way you are right this minute. You ARE ENOUGH in this instant, and you are loved and respected by ALL of the Shredders, and I for one think the world of you. Take care of yourself for us!
Lynda
What the shredder council without Christy. I DON"T THINK SO!
Yesterday As I pushed through my cardio almost in tears as I pleaded with my body to burn fat a news story came on about a little boy who had lost his sight because of a rare condition. Suddenly i was so grateful that i had a fully functioning body that carried a few extra pounds.
Its all about health and living really. We just want the perfect body because we are vain.(sorry if that offends anyone).What is life if we can't function. Whats imporant to you is to be well and healthy and functioning.You are achieving that and from what I understand its been a long road to recovery for you.What ever our reasons for being here , we all agree that supporting one another is one of the most important parts of our journey. We all support your fantastic achievements and will continue to do so. You are a BIG part of this group and don't ever forget that.
Bec
Christy:
I just want to encourage you to don't give up! Trust me at times we all experience feelings that can become discouraging, but the thing to remember is - feelings can't control you unless you let it. We are all at different places, but still fighting for the same victory, so keep your chin up, tomorrow is another day and whatever you do remember that you're surrounded with great people who are standing with you and don't you ever quit!
I for one have to say that I am so glad you are a Shredder and that I get to read your blog! I don't think there is anything wrong with how you are approaching this, its very smart actually and alot more fun then being too far the other extreme. I don't look at my photos, or I would be crying all the time LOL. I need to pay more attention though because the don't-look-and-lets-just-wait-and-see approach didn't work haha. Concentrate on how far you have come, what you can do now that you couldn't after the accident. You have some of the best Shredder pics btw! Been busy lately but I will be back!
DON'T GO CHRISTY!!!
You have been doing a fantastic job and certainly deserve to be a shredder. One of the criteria for being a shredder is to encourage other shredders by visiting their blogs and post comments. You are among one of the most supportive shredders in the group and I LOVE the humour and quirkiness you bring to the group (that's a good thing btw!).
Don't get too caught up in the emotion and make any decisions you may regret. I think your photos showed great improvement by the way!
With Shredder-love,
Mike
Well I can't say anything that hasn't already been said but wanted you to know that I second all of the above. Everyone has a different place in this "shreddersphere" and I think it is important to have people whose goals are more health oriented than looks oriented to keep us all down to earth. When I was at the store today walking really really slowly because I was so sore, you popped into my head and I thought, hey, I have no right to complain, Christy has been through so much more and pushes on every day and she didn't ask for any of that. I did this to myself. So know that you are an inspiration to me as well and this place wouldn't be the same without you. And if you reach your goals better by not pushing yourself of course that's what you should do. Count yourself lucky that you know the best way to motivate yourself because there are people out there still trying to figure that out (me included!). Anyway, you are great and don't forget it!
Love, Joni
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