Happy Birthday Adam!

Another masterpiece for Lilla Productions:



Happy Birthday Adam!

“Whatever with the past has gone, the best is always yet to come.” ~ Lucy Larcom

Congratulations on awesome year of living your dream and wishing you the best for this one.

Love,
Christy

Overwhelmed by your support and kindness

Thank you all very much for your incredibly supportive words and kindnesses. I'm taking a little break from blogging just maybe another day or two. I want to respond to each of your comments soon. I miss your blogs and getting to bear witness to your lives and successes. My very slow and sporadic Internet has kept me from visiting your blogs and put me a little behind in my business. Plus, I've been dealing with some very minor health concerns and a little stress.

It is a real gift to be in your company.

Thank you.

Feeling a bit Disconnected

Firstly, and most importantly, Congratulations Fellow Shredder Council Members on reaching Day 84 and beyond! It has been a pleasure and an honor to be in your company. And a very big thank you to Adam for all your hard work, encouragement and inspiration.

I've been using my limited Internet time to do business and manage my banking. It's been highly sporadic and VERY SLOW. I must say I broke my own rule about staring at my Day 84 photos and was horribly depressed by them. I felt super bloated and still feel sick from eating some bad pork a few days ago, and really felt like my photos looked way better in recent weeks. I get that there is improvement, and I'm very grateful about all of our successes and just loved that Adam video. But when I get caught up in results and wanting to impress people, I really set myself up to for a major letdown. It's just how I'm wired. I'm feeling really disconnected from my fellow shredders. I'm sure it has something to do with the Internet, but also, my returning to the States. My health concerns have caused me to adopt a slightly different "slow but steady" and way less than hardcore attitude toward my "transformation." Truth be told, I prefer it. Is it wrong to not care if I never lose another pound, just as long as I can walk freely and work my way up to being able to run? I don't care what my bodyfat percentage is or if I eat six times a day as long as I don't feel like I want to die or lose the feeling in my face? I just want to be healthy and happy and be excited about what I have to do each day. I feel like my thoughts and ideas about life and everything run kind of counter to what "shredding" is all about. Like I'm bringing everybody down and just some big weirdo with my whatever you get done today is enough attitude. But honestly, when I operate like that good things happen for me, but sometimes when I get to "into" this shredder thing, I forget all about that kind of thinking, and get kind of sucked into the "gotta do more be more" old Christy thinking. For some reason, everybody else can handle and have fun with pushing themselves, but I either fall into some horrible pit of despair or get all manic and crazy until I end up re-injuring myself or being put on disability for my job. I really like this new way of doing things, so I'm not asking for advice. I'm just feeling disconnected and kind of like a freak. Like, "Why am I here?" "Am I really a shredder?" "Would they be better off without me?" "Does it really even matter to anyone but me?"

Man, I really shouldn't have stared at those photos.

Gurgle gurgle

This will have to be fast, because my Internet keeps flaking out. I ate what I think may have been some bad pork and my stomach won't stop gurgling. That and I feel SO sleepy. I'm hoping my photos reached Adam. Tried to post them here, but the upload took so long. Can't wait to get caught up on everybody's news.

Gilligan's Island

I felt lost at sea and trapped. My Internet was down for OVER 24 hours. I have no idea how much water I drank as I usually just log in every two glasses and totally couldn't. ARGH. The power went out three times, too. I get this claustrophobic feeling here in the Philippines without Internet. Like I'm stranded on a deserted island. It's not the palm trees, because I've lived my whole life around palm trees in Florida and California. It's the fact that my Internet company is run by a bunch of Gilligan's that cannot answer the question: When will my Internet be back on?! Maybe the professor put together some coconuts and got it working again today.

BTW, bad, uninformed, corporate customer service and crappy hold music transcends all cultural barriers. It is now the universal standard.

Now, if I could just get my hands on some radioactive vegetables so I can swim my way out of here or maybe the Globetrotters can come by during sweeps week.

Did anybody watch that show? I didn't on purpose, but when you're a kid in the US without cable, it's that or the news some evenings.

Girly transformation - DIY Makeover

You know Adam got a haircut and some nifty clothes after his Mission One. Well, this Friday will be the sort of end of my "Mission 2" and I have NOTHING to wear back home. So I'm totally going to take advantage of the cheap exchange rate and venture into designing myself a new haircut and clothes.

I've been surfing the net and sketching and budgeting. I've always been fascinated by women who always dress nice. I never put much energy into it, but have always been drawn to makeover shows and the like. A million years ago I was obsessed with What Not to Wear on BBC America, and then later Oprah had Susanna and Trinny on and I was even more obsessed.

If you haven't read the rules for shopping for your body type, check it out. Also if you're looking for a haircut and want there is a free virtual hairstyler here. Oh you can also figure out your best colors on the Susannah and Trinny site, too.

I'm so psyched. I'm researching fabrics now to get the best quality. We'll see how I do designing my own clothes, but I will have the input of a seamstress. Well, as soon as we find one.

New clothes and Haircut

I'm going home the third week in February. I'm going to treat myself to new clothes and a haircut. Since most of my things are in storage and none of my current clothes fit, I thought I would take the opportunity to have some clothes made. I've been working on some ideas and designs and researching haircuts. It's cool that I've dropped some weight since I've been here. It makes finding a flattering haircut and clothes a helluva a lot more fun.

Really just 7 Days?

Thank you for all your very kind words and quotes yesterday. I get nervous sometimes and my head goes a bit nutty, but it helps to blog about it.

I can't believe we only have seven days left of the shredder council. If I'd know when I typed that I'm in on Adam's blog that it was going to be for twelve weeks, I doubt I would have committed. Funny how things work out. I wouldn't have thought I'd make it to the end. But here we all are!

I usually pay attention most to my poochy area in photos and then remind myself to stop looking to closely at the pics, because I have depressive tendencies and stuff. But lately, I've noticed my legs seem thinner. My mom said so, too. I guess, because I'm actually USING them a little these days.

I'm working hard on my business to see if I can make it to the ECSS. If I focus too much on the being able to walk, I get too nutty. So I'll just take that part one step at a time and go nuts on drinking water and adding to website.

BTW, if you try to drink four glasses of water in a row (even warm) really fast, you'll start to feel like you're gonna vomit and have to sit down. So just do three at a time. Ooh. I have to update my ticker.

Going back to Cali

My flight is confirmed. I'll be back in Los Angeles by the end of February. Mom will only be traveling with me as far as Tapeii. I'll get to board the plane early as a "passenger who needs special assistance." I'll use the walker for the really long trek through the airport, but opted not to have the wheelchair. It's the little victories.

We went out for dinner for my birthday. We went for a quick look at the Oki-Mart for fabrics. I want to have a few things made for me before I leave. None of my clothes fit. All too big. I'll donate them. So many people are in need.

I was exhausted by the time we went to dinner though. It's so easy just walking around the house and in the pool. I'm getting so much stronger so fast, but it's sort of a reminder of just what it takes to be in the world again. Just walking out to catch the pedicab on the main street and then walk through a few doors down from the restaurant, and I was exhausted. But I DID IT. The most walking I've done on land in nearly four months.

I've been working hard in the pool, but I have to be super careful. My problems have never rested with pushing through pain. I've re-injured myself so many times pushing through pain. I can just push and push. There is not stop until something stops me. Even mentally, I never even notice how stressed I am until I vomit this clear stuff acidy stuff and my hair falls out or I get these weird tremors. Last time it happened, and I couldn't feel my face, which to this day I find it so weird. It's everything for me to remember not to push. It's so hard, because there's this little voice in my head that says, "No excuses, no surrender," but I've never dropped this much weight with less effort in my life. I've never been closer to my family and friends. I've never felt so much love even though I've done no dating. I feel sane. I feel happy. So I know what I'm doing works for me, but that voice.

There's a part of me that feels like if I don't push myself to my absolute limit, then I'm worthless. But that part of me IS JUST WRONG. I know it in my heart, but my mind. My mind tells me things. That voice comes up sometime. Usually when I'm scared. Like when the travel agent asked about the wheelchair. Why should that be such a big deal? A part of me believes the only reason its okay not to push is because I'm injured. But HOW did I get injured? Why? Because I keep pushing. It's time for me to learn my lesson. I can't keep burying myself like I do. Everybody has a limit, but I have no idea where mine is. Somehow once I start pushing, I just blow past it. NOBODY can tell me to stop either. Actually, a lot of people are very impressed and root me on to keep going. It's just so hard to set a push-up goal of ONE, and say that I'll be happy even if I get just that one.

Some days it's hard. It's hard not to just get on the floor and just try to do a real push-up right now. Like there would be some glory, some prize in just injuring myself right now, because then I would be pushing myself to the max. BEYOND the MAX. But that's just my mind talking to me. BECAUSE I'm scared. Just because they asked me if I would need a wheelchair. To paraphrase one of Michael and my favorite movies Pulp Fiction, "That's just my pride fucking with me."

I still have over a month left. Just one step at a time. I don't have to walk the whole airport today. With all this water I'm drinking I'm bound to get stronger just having to walk to the CR (comfort room is the word they have for it here) every half hour.

Water Wednesday

Water Wednesday is almost over, but I hit the 100 glass mark yesterday, and bought a commemorative Kim Possible notebook and pen, and did four wall push-ups for Tea's challenge.

A few quick facts from http://www.fitness-n-function.co.nz/Wellness_Good_Health/hydration_water_facts.htm:

The following functional, healing benefits are assisted in our bodies by drinking plenty of water every day. (the opposite to these will result from not drinking enough water every day):

1. Increased absorption and utilisation of nutrients
2. Increased oxygen availability to the cells
3. Increased detoxification of the body as a whole
4. More perfect cell replication

Goal: By next Water Wednesday hit the 200 glass mark. Welcome to Lindsey for taking on the Water Challenge.

Every glass is a toast to your good health. Bottom's Up everybody!

It's My Birthday

January 9, 1972. It's the morning of the 9th here in the PI. I'm 36 years old. I usually have a lot of feelings about stuff. Funny. I don't have a lot of feelings about being 36. I feel good. Although, it sounds so grown-up. I don't feel that grown up. Mom and I might go out to lunch.

I got great Happy Birthday phone calls from my sister and one of my exes. He's going through a break-up. Actually two of my exes are going through break-ups. I just realized how odd that is that my ex-boyfriends typically always call me for advice after a break-up. I guess it's because our break-ups went so well. lol

Hmmm. I guess if you're single for 36 years you get good at romantic relationships fading into friendship. Just a lot more practice at it. Yeah, that make sense. More dating = More boyfriends = More ex-boyfriends. More practice being good at being the ex-girlfriend.

Once you hit 30 you kind of stop dating jerks (well that's not true, but you stop getting into long-term relationships with jerks), so when it doesn't work out it, it sort of easier to just be friends. AND NOT SLEEP WITH THEM KIND OF FRIENDS. So not making that mistake anymore. And no more Re-Dating. I state this as a resolutiony birthday preventative measure just in case statementy thing.

I've been injured and living with my MOM for almost a year, which means exactly what one would expect. And I'm going back home next month with two ex-boyfriend/friendy types out of relationships.

Suddenly I want to be held accountable! I'm just joking. But as a comedian, I know that every joke has a grain of truth. Hmm.

This post is so random. Happy Birthday to me.

Cool video about thoughts on your body!

I just watched a bunch of these videos by Byron Katie today. I never did a lot of self-inquiry, but have arrived at many of the same conclusions and truth. It's an amazingly simple process. It's pretty cool.



The four questions, the turnaround worksheet, and more videos are available at www.thework.com

I have to admit when I first saw her videos, something about it all kind of made me angry. I usually know that when something hits me pretty hard, there's something about it that I really have to look at. So I used her own method of judging others to see what truth I need to see in myself.

I love the concept that she takes this to the point of LOVING what IS. Not just tolerating or mere acceptance. She takes the principals to loving what is. I must admit, I have yet to entirely take this process to my most recent judgments to the point of loving what is, but as I type this, I'm thinking, "What the hell am I waiting for?"

I think it's cool stuff.

I'll share, too.

Michael wrote a really great post with a lot of quotes that really inspired fellow shredders and got me thinking. I haven't done a lot of the quoting. My new website (which I can't wait to show you guys) has quite a selection of quotes.

For me, this process is not one where I work hard or try hard, but rather like the poet Browning states, I am "... opening out a way / Whence the imprisoned splendour may escape,/ Than in effecting entry for a light / Supposed to be without."

I believe that the true nature of every man including myself is health and harmony, but many thoughts and illusions block that harmony. I have experienced many of these blocks first hand. It is also nobody's fault and there is no blame, but when the time comes each person in his own way will open that doorway and allow that "imprisoned splendour to escape."

Naturally, these quotes may not hit that inner truth bell that we all have in us, but in case they do, I thought I would share:

• Life is not at the mercy of matter. ~ Joel S. Goldsmith

• I think there's an invisible principle of living too. If we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. It's a lovely sight, watching it work. ~ Richard Bach

• Every skill, every talent, every capacity, and every ability of the mind are really the Soul-action made visibly tangible. ~ Joel S. Goldsmith

• When you live in surrender, something comes through you into the world of duality that is not of this world. ~ Eckhart Tolle

I have had a lot of feelings and other things happen on this journey--some of it you may have read in my blog. But I succeed to whatever extent I can in any given moment, and despite momentary lapses of faith and even momentary rises in ego, it is, always was, and always will be enough.

My sister is wearing my RTP hoodie!

The logo is flipped around, because of the camera, and I'm too lazy to edit. There my sister is enjoying my RTP hoodie! She gives it a big thumbs up. I'll just get me another one anyway. I actually don't mind. I bought it over two months ago before the Shredder Council and everything. The first day the store was open. :)

DAY 70 A Quickie

I've had two awesome therapy sessions in the pool since I last posted. I've think I've only had six glasses of water, four fruit and veggies, no meditation, 1/2 chapter reading. I'll be subbing my boogeying with physical therapy since they're both pretty tough. Feeling bloated and crampy. Man, why couldn't my good looking Day 59 photos go up on my profile instead of my bloaty Day 70? But the good part is we only have three weeks so that works out well with my woman/bloaty/photo issues. I'm sure all you male shredders can relate.

Water Wednesday III! More Shredder Success!

Howdy shredders! It's Water Wednesday already. And to celebrate I have drunk a record eight glasses of water, which is nothing compared to my fellow shredders' successes.

Welcome to Miriam for throwing her hat into the ring on the water challenge. You'll be like our shredding superstars MICHAEL and TEA.

To find out by how many glasses of water Michael has surpassed the 300 glass of water mark:

Plus find out about the chin-up challenge, his reflections on the new year and all the latest and greatest visit his the Fat Burning Machine here.

How does he do it? Here is his tips:

My advice: just drink the dang water! I carry around a 24 oz. bottle with me. When it is empty I fill it up. I just keep drinking and drinking from that bottle. During my workouts I finish a minimum of 2 bottles. I read a long time ago that it is extremely important to drink water during your lifting workouts, so I drink between each set. Did you know that for must people 1 gulp is roughly 1 ounce of water? So there you have it...if you do 4 exercises with 5 sets, you can get in 20 ounces just by doing 1 gulp in between sets.

Congratulations to Tea who has well-surpassed the 200 glass mark.

Get the latest on Tea's incredible progress, her push-up challenge that all the shredders are making a video about, and all her shredderific news by going here!

Today got in all six servings fruits and veggies, seven glasses of water, meditation, chapter (re-reading Joel Goldsmith's The Infinite Way), and danced for one song and I'm sore. I'll take it.

Looking good, feeling good shredders!

Bottoms Up!

Woo-hoo 2008!

For me being part of the shredders was just a positive way for me to put energy into my health. But for mental and physical health reasons, I've actually been helped more by the support of being a shredder rather than the accountability.

For quite some time now, just logging in and working through my feelings (the cause of my unhealthy eating) and hanging with the right crowd (you guys), allowed me to eat healthier and have a reason to not get too down about my immobility and injuries. Frankly it added a level of joy to doing exercise that can sometimes be not only frustrating, but painful.

Well, without the medication, it still hurts, but not like before, and I'm putting a lot of my verbal energy into my new website.

I think the year 2007 was about realizing that the things I do are ENOUGH. (Hence the title of this blog.) It all counts. Yeah, I couldn't do any of the "shredding" thing when the council started, yes, I cannot do even a girl push-up YET, but what I can do is enough. I can still do Tea's challenge. I can still be on the shredder council and even get a result (despite getting out of the results business and being in the process business)that I am proud of. It doesn't matter what everybody else is doing or how they are doing it. I get to decide for me, and not just because other ways of doing things don't work for me, but even because I just don't want to do things that way.

I am getting ready to be 36 years old in a little more than a week, and I'm finally realizing that I actually have the option of not doing something simply, because I do not want to. No other reason required. Even in the arena of my dreams.

Anyway,
Since a lot of my creative juices will be going into my other website-blog thing (BTW, my-thank-you-site.com had its first 2,000+ unique visitor day in December, yippee!), and I don't want my health to slip, my blog will contain more straight-forward posts of did this and did that today, just to provide myself with the reminder of my commitment to me.

Now that I can move a little more, I think I'll go back to where I left off before I got injured. With the stuff that's been in the "About me" section of this blog, but I've been too injured to do. Water, dancing like no one is watching (and working my way up to a few more songs and more rigorous boogeying), eating fruits and vegetables, meditation, spiritual reading, and as always measuring in degrees of success. It'll be a yes no type of thing. Maybe I'll do points. Plus more photos, but not necessarily every day. Some days I am just too sensitive and too sad, and when I had to do that 14 days, I almost chucked this WHOLE thing and deleted this blog. I'll probably do my "Gratitude List" on My Thank You Site blog, since it's part of my business.

As always, I measure in degrees of success, and NEVER beat myself up for what does not get done. That leads me to a dark, dark, unhealthy place that feels virtually inescapable if I can feel anything at all. I will avoid any and every psycho-flavored meds at every opportunity.

My goals are the same.
• Enjoy the good health, strength, and confidence that comes from taking care of my body every day.
• Be a supportive member of the Shredder Counsel.
• Be honest, allow myself to feel all my feelings on this journey, and express them in my blog.

As they say in LA, I'll workshop that and get back to you.

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old,
Seek what they sought. ~ Matsuo Basho

Happy 2008!