10 1/2 Weeks left - Grateful for a question of inspiration

My cyber-friend Suzette, posed a question about inspiration on her blog. (click on Suzette's link to read it). She has three posts about inspiration that I think you may find, well to state the obvious, inspirational.

While reading Suzette's blog, I felt a want to share my thoughts about being inspired "into action."

The time comes for change as a direct result of each little moment of inspiration. Sometimes it seems easy to see the exact cause of inspiration for a specific action or success. This guy said do this and then I went out and did it. But I no longer believe it's clear-cut like that. Every alleged failure was in actuality another step toward my ultimate success. Each brought a lesson that I needed. Those lessons such as the lesson of humility are among the most valuable I've had in my life.

A day came when I could change in a certain facet of my life, and I did. I can remember each of those "A-ha moments." Now the changes and growth keeps coming. At first, it seemed so obvious. I couldn't even understand why it took all those years for me to get it. It was like, "Hey I did it. Everybody come on! What are you waiting for? Get in there and do it!" I quickly FORGOT about all those years, when people kept telling me to just "relax" or just do this or just do that and I was trying like hell and nothing happened. I secretly believed that I was withholding my "real effort" and that once I stopped "being lazy" I could do what seemed so obvious. Little did I know there was another very painful "A-ha" moment for me to have.

After enjoying some success from an A-ha moment, a friend of mine who suffered from my previous stumbling block came to me to ask me about it. I started into my pitch about how she "she could do it" or whatever. She kept coming back to talk to me about my success, and each time I would tell her about it. But she didn't seem to DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT. One time I actually felt frustrated, but I didn't think it showed. I don't even remember exactly what I was saying. I remember keeping my words positive and I remember the look on her face. I saw a look of sheer pain as she said the words, "You just don't understand." As I looked at her, I finally DID UNDERSTAND. How could I have forgotten?

The pain I had all those years when I WAS THE ONE WHO COULD NOT CHANGE. My mind flashed back to all those moments of pain and self-hate after seeing other people's successes and having them tell me how easy it was. Those moments of trying and giving up and tears at what I thought was failing. Those other times when I was hurting so much from my alleged failures that I pretended (and even convinced myself) that I didn't want the success that I craved and deserved. All those years where I hurt and ached with the pain of unfulfilled potential and a feeling of worthlessness for not being able to "just do" what seemed so easy and obvious. And then I saw something else. I saw something in me that I would have thought I was never capable of and is very difficult for me to admit to.

I was judging her. Not by intention or design. Not to the exclusion of faith in her or belief in her or loving her. But I was judging her in the way that I had always been afraid that other people were judging me when I was struggling. I learned that although CHANGE IS SIMPLE IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY. I had judged her, and I knew she felt the sting of that judgment. I knew that the moment I did I was adding to her pain instead of inspiring her. And then the biggest, most massive action of my life came.

I stopped judging. I started being loving, understanding, forgiving, and compassionate to me and the people around me. Not just in word and action, but in heart and I succeed to the extent I have in me in each moment. In that moment I took the action to be loving to her as she was and where she was. I felt the understanding that, as my teacher says, EVERYBODY is ALWAYS doing the best they can and that is enough. I began forgiving all the people who had ever judged me as a failure. And I became compassionate to myself in regards to what appears to be my own short comings and to others for what appears to be theirs.

There are these moments where something ignites a level of understanding that enables the action. I believe that the spark comes after a period of time (minutes, years, lifetimes) of gathering tinder, and the fire of light grows bright for every moment of what looked like inaction. The distance between understanding and knowing is immeasurable and once traversed almost imperceptible.

I do not know if I can speed up my rate of change. But I can enjoy the journey in myself and in others.