Day 43 - Going in Circles

Literally. I walked in circles around my house. If I walk really, really fast I can walk the entire circumference of the yard in one minute. I decided to walk around the yard 30 times. I couldn't keep the one minute rotation, but did complete 30 rotations in 40 minutes. It's something. I just gotta keep moving forward a little bit every day. I'm grateful for whatever gets done. I have faith that this frustrating clouded mood will pass. Trying not even type or think too much about it. I get much too angry, but hate being angry so as the old saying goes, rage turned inward = depression.

I feel claustrophobic in my own body sometimes. Trapped. It is so frustrating to want to move and do even basic things and be thwarted on such a consistent basis. Cracking shoulders, strained wrists, pain in my tooth. It feels like relief from pain is just some kind of dreamworld for everybody but me. I am grateful for being able to walk and do things like sit up, but I CANNOT STOP MYSELF FROM WANTING MORE! Each day I progress, I allow myself to dream of days of running free and strong and feel all the more depressed that the day is not today.

It has taken a long time to realize that what could be labeled as negative emotions and positive emotions ARE NOT mutually exclusive concepts. Bottling and stuffing my feelings only makes it harder to feel joy when it happens. I am grateful to know that, too. I wrote this when I started. I get to be up. I get to be down. I don't get to beat myself up for being either. So I won't. Here is where I am, and it is enough.

Yes chapter, yes meditation, 40 min. fast walking, yes journal, EIGHT glasses of water, SIX servings of fruits and vegetables. Yes work on screenplay, yes work on website. Checklist of eight complete.

I let myself have 1/2 cup of lowfat chocolate icecream (110 cal. 2.5 g. fat) and 2 cups of coffee w/ Splenda and creamer. 1/2 cup rice. No other sweets or simple carbs or fried foods.

Gratitude List (by no means comprehensive on the comedian front)
1) chocolate icecream
2) Kathy Griffin (comedian)
3) Maria Bamford (comedian)
4) John Camacho (musician)
5) The Goods (band)
6) Mongo (band)
7) Margaret Cho (comedian)
8) Jake Johannsen (comedian)
9) Andy Kindler (comedian)
10) Richard Pryor (comedian)

www.my-thank-you-site.com