Howdy!
It's been super busy. I went to my first Filipino Fiesta in Bacong (spelling?). It's a lot like Thanksgiving, but with a lechon (a big roasted pig). My eating and water intake has been a little off. The water actually effects my training A LOT, because it has been super hot and humid here. I have nine weeks left, so I've really been working on my site and screenwriting. I'm working on a romantic comedy short film that is ALREADY slated to go into pre-production the second I'm done. The director and I know each other from stand-up, and he's got a of faith in my work. I have a lot of faith in his as well. I am very excited about it and am preparing three pitches. Wish me luck.
I have progressed into some knife training techniques in my Arnis lessons. The knife is kind of scary--even the "dummy knife." But today we practiced disarming with the real knife and that was VERY scary BUT I DID IT and did not cut myself OR my teacher. It's really the little victories. :-)
Gratitude List
1) Fiesta
2) Dummy knife
3) Fellow Arnis Student Ashley
4) Ashley's wife, Celine
5) Joseph Campbell
6) David Siegel's Nine Act Structure
7) Bagging drills
8) My first "paycheck" from my website was deposited TODAY
9) myfico.com
10) Nine more weeks
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
10 1/2 Weeks left - Grateful for a question of inspiration
My cyber-friend Suzette, posed a question about inspiration on her blog. (click on Suzette's link to read it). She has three posts about inspiration that I think you may find, well to state the obvious, inspirational.
While reading Suzette's blog, I felt a want to share my thoughts about being inspired "into action."
The time comes for change as a direct result of each little moment of inspiration. Sometimes it seems easy to see the exact cause of inspiration for a specific action or success. This guy said do this and then I went out and did it. But I no longer believe it's clear-cut like that. Every alleged failure was in actuality another step toward my ultimate success. Each brought a lesson that I needed. Those lessons such as the lesson of humility are among the most valuable I've had in my life.
A day came when I could change in a certain facet of my life, and I did. I can remember each of those "A-ha moments." Now the changes and growth keeps coming. At first, it seemed so obvious. I couldn't even understand why it took all those years for me to get it. It was like, "Hey I did it. Everybody come on! What are you waiting for? Get in there and do it!" I quickly FORGOT about all those years, when people kept telling me to just "relax" or just do this or just do that and I was trying like hell and nothing happened. I secretly believed that I was withholding my "real effort" and that once I stopped "being lazy" I could do what seemed so obvious. Little did I know there was another very painful "A-ha" moment for me to have.
After enjoying some success from an A-ha moment, a friend of mine who suffered from my previous stumbling block came to me to ask me about it. I started into my pitch about how she "she could do it" or whatever. She kept coming back to talk to me about my success, and each time I would tell her about it. But she didn't seem to DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT. One time I actually felt frustrated, but I didn't think it showed. I don't even remember exactly what I was saying. I remember keeping my words positive and I remember the look on her face. I saw a look of sheer pain as she said the words, "You just don't understand." As I looked at her, I finally DID UNDERSTAND. How could I have forgotten?
The pain I had all those years when I WAS THE ONE WHO COULD NOT CHANGE. My mind flashed back to all those moments of pain and self-hate after seeing other people's successes and having them tell me how easy it was. Those moments of trying and giving up and tears at what I thought was failing. Those other times when I was hurting so much from my alleged failures that I pretended (and even convinced myself) that I didn't want the success that I craved and deserved. All those years where I hurt and ached with the pain of unfulfilled potential and a feeling of worthlessness for not being able to "just do" what seemed so easy and obvious. And then I saw something else. I saw something in me that I would have thought I was never capable of and is very difficult for me to admit to.
I was judging her. Not by intention or design. Not to the exclusion of faith in her or belief in her or loving her. But I was judging her in the way that I had always been afraid that other people were judging me when I was struggling. I learned that although CHANGE IS SIMPLE IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY. I had judged her, and I knew she felt the sting of that judgment. I knew that the moment I did I was adding to her pain instead of inspiring her. And then the biggest, most massive action of my life came.
I stopped judging. I started being loving, understanding, forgiving, and compassionate to me and the people around me. Not just in word and action, but in heart and I succeed to the extent I have in me in each moment. In that moment I took the action to be loving to her as she was and where she was. I felt the understanding that, as my teacher says, EVERYBODY is ALWAYS doing the best they can and that is enough. I began forgiving all the people who had ever judged me as a failure. And I became compassionate to myself in regards to what appears to be my own short comings and to others for what appears to be theirs.
There are these moments where something ignites a level of understanding that enables the action. I believe that the spark comes after a period of time (minutes, years, lifetimes) of gathering tinder, and the fire of light grows bright for every moment of what looked like inaction. The distance between understanding and knowing is immeasurable and once traversed almost imperceptible.
I do not know if I can speed up my rate of change. But I can enjoy the journey in myself and in others.
While reading Suzette's blog, I felt a want to share my thoughts about being inspired "into action."
The time comes for change as a direct result of each little moment of inspiration. Sometimes it seems easy to see the exact cause of inspiration for a specific action or success. This guy said do this and then I went out and did it. But I no longer believe it's clear-cut like that. Every alleged failure was in actuality another step toward my ultimate success. Each brought a lesson that I needed. Those lessons such as the lesson of humility are among the most valuable I've had in my life.
A day came when I could change in a certain facet of my life, and I did. I can remember each of those "A-ha moments." Now the changes and growth keeps coming. At first, it seemed so obvious. I couldn't even understand why it took all those years for me to get it. It was like, "Hey I did it. Everybody come on! What are you waiting for? Get in there and do it!" I quickly FORGOT about all those years, when people kept telling me to just "relax" or just do this or just do that and I was trying like hell and nothing happened. I secretly believed that I was withholding my "real effort" and that once I stopped "being lazy" I could do what seemed so obvious. Little did I know there was another very painful "A-ha" moment for me to have.
After enjoying some success from an A-ha moment, a friend of mine who suffered from my previous stumbling block came to me to ask me about it. I started into my pitch about how she "she could do it" or whatever. She kept coming back to talk to me about my success, and each time I would tell her about it. But she didn't seem to DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT. One time I actually felt frustrated, but I didn't think it showed. I don't even remember exactly what I was saying. I remember keeping my words positive and I remember the look on her face. I saw a look of sheer pain as she said the words, "You just don't understand." As I looked at her, I finally DID UNDERSTAND. How could I have forgotten?
The pain I had all those years when I WAS THE ONE WHO COULD NOT CHANGE. My mind flashed back to all those moments of pain and self-hate after seeing other people's successes and having them tell me how easy it was. Those moments of trying and giving up and tears at what I thought was failing. Those other times when I was hurting so much from my alleged failures that I pretended (and even convinced myself) that I didn't want the success that I craved and deserved. All those years where I hurt and ached with the pain of unfulfilled potential and a feeling of worthlessness for not being able to "just do" what seemed so easy and obvious. And then I saw something else. I saw something in me that I would have thought I was never capable of and is very difficult for me to admit to.
I was judging her. Not by intention or design. Not to the exclusion of faith in her or belief in her or loving her. But I was judging her in the way that I had always been afraid that other people were judging me when I was struggling. I learned that although CHANGE IS SIMPLE IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY. I had judged her, and I knew she felt the sting of that judgment. I knew that the moment I did I was adding to her pain instead of inspiring her. And then the biggest, most massive action of my life came.
I stopped judging. I started being loving, understanding, forgiving, and compassionate to me and the people around me. Not just in word and action, but in heart and I succeed to the extent I have in me in each moment. In that moment I took the action to be loving to her as she was and where she was. I felt the understanding that, as my teacher says, EVERYBODY is ALWAYS doing the best they can and that is enough. I began forgiving all the people who had ever judged me as a failure. And I became compassionate to myself in regards to what appears to be my own short comings and to others for what appears to be theirs.
There are these moments where something ignites a level of understanding that enables the action. I believe that the spark comes after a period of time (minutes, years, lifetimes) of gathering tinder, and the fire of light grows bright for every moment of what looked like inaction. The distance between understanding and knowing is immeasurable and once traversed almost imperceptible.
I do not know if I can speed up my rate of change. But I can enjoy the journey in myself and in others.
Friday, August 17, 2007
The Right Time is Always Now - (a little under 11 weeks left)
Feeling good. Kept putting off taking photos, because I wanted to take pictures when I felt skinniest and not right after I ate. Except, because I'm eating 4-6 times a day that makes it tough. Add a few computer connection problems and bam it took two days. I am grateful to remember a valuable lesson, the "right time" is always now. More later. I'm just gonna post some photos before my Internet connection goes out. I think there's a difference--especially in my posture, which is good news for my back.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Darn I wrote a super long post, but something weird happened
So weird. Maybe the blog Gods have decided something briefer and less touch feely is in order. THE DARKNESS HAS LIFTED. Thank you God! I had a great Arnis lesson and practiced for twenty additional minutes the second I got home.
FREE DAY TODAY
I'm posting photos in the morning. Yikes! Good night
FREE DAY TODAY
I'm posting photos in the morning. Yikes! Good night
Day 46 - The FOG Has Lifted!!!! (11 weeks left)
I'll be posting photos in the morning. I had a fantastic Arnis lesson. We did bagging drills, and I couldn't wait to run home and practice. I am SO excited about my lesson on Friday. I LOVE IT.
I am very grateful to be happy again. I'm getting so much better with dealing with my depression and NO MEDS FOR ME [well I have them, but I've opted to not take them]. I understand some people have to take meds for depression, but for me, I'm going to hold off. I've got a lot of faith, and the luxury of TIME right now. I would have had to take them if I had to go to work instead of working for myself. It is one of the many adjustments I've made to allow myself to be me. Anyway, I'm getting better with self-acceptance and not kicking myself when I'm down. I'm making strides in not looking at this side of me as some sort of defect in my character. My doctor explained that it is hereditary like being allergic to cats or diabetes, and much like allergies and diabetes, there are things I can do too alleviate my condition like diet and exercise. And that is one thing that I am REALLY proud of this time around, I REALLY DOVE INTO making sure that I did almost no sugar, very few simple carbs, limited coffee, no diet coke, plenty of rest, water, fruits and vegetables, meditation, spiritual reading, when my mood swung dark. It really worked!! I had faith it would lift [even though it feels like when it happens that it always was this way and always will be] and IT DID!!!!!
I've lost months even years to dark moods and now, FINALLY, I really learned the tools and taken THE ACTIONS to take care of myself and it lifted within a week. And I still got stuff done for my business. This is such a victory. You can have no idea.
I have to go to sleep now. In the morning--PHOTOS. I couldn't risk my good mood just yet. ;-)
FREE DAY TODAY, because I deserve it. But I did have an 1 1/2 hour lesson and I practiced for twenty minutes the second I got home. [PS I'm aware of manic episodes, but if this one of them, it will pass, too and it doesn't feel too bad in that I actually feel like I can go to sleep. Don't worry.]
Gratitude List (may some repeats, because it's my FREE DAY, in so many ways)
1) SUZETTE!
2) Awesome song BiPolar Girlfriend by Mongo
(It's on my myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/yourfriendchristymurphy )
3) To God for this gloriously happy day
4) Vanilla Ice Coffee
5) Google
6) Arnis Lessons
7) My teacher LULOY
8) Adam Waters
9) iChat
10) My Mom
11) My sister, Edie
12) My brother, Dave
13) All my friends back home
14) My website had its most profitable day to DATE!
www.my-thank-you-site.com
I am very grateful to be happy again. I'm getting so much better with dealing with my depression and NO MEDS FOR ME [well I have them, but I've opted to not take them]. I understand some people have to take meds for depression, but for me, I'm going to hold off. I've got a lot of faith, and the luxury of TIME right now. I would have had to take them if I had to go to work instead of working for myself. It is one of the many adjustments I've made to allow myself to be me. Anyway, I'm getting better with self-acceptance and not kicking myself when I'm down. I'm making strides in not looking at this side of me as some sort of defect in my character. My doctor explained that it is hereditary like being allergic to cats or diabetes, and much like allergies and diabetes, there are things I can do too alleviate my condition like diet and exercise. And that is one thing that I am REALLY proud of this time around, I REALLY DOVE INTO making sure that I did almost no sugar, very few simple carbs, limited coffee, no diet coke, plenty of rest, water, fruits and vegetables, meditation, spiritual reading, when my mood swung dark. It really worked!! I had faith it would lift [even though it feels like when it happens that it always was this way and always will be] and IT DID!!!!!
I've lost months even years to dark moods and now, FINALLY, I really learned the tools and taken THE ACTIONS to take care of myself and it lifted within a week. And I still got stuff done for my business. This is such a victory. You can have no idea.
I have to go to sleep now. In the morning--PHOTOS. I couldn't risk my good mood just yet. ;-)
FREE DAY TODAY, because I deserve it. But I did have an 1 1/2 hour lesson and I practiced for twenty minutes the second I got home. [PS I'm aware of manic episodes, but if this one of them, it will pass, too and it doesn't feel too bad in that I actually feel like I can go to sleep. Don't worry.]
Gratitude List (may some repeats, because it's my FREE DAY, in so many ways)
1) SUZETTE!
2) Awesome song BiPolar Girlfriend by Mongo
(It's on my myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/yourfriendchristymurphy )
3) To God for this gloriously happy day
4) Vanilla Ice Coffee
5) Google
6) Arnis Lessons
7) My teacher LULOY
8) Adam Waters
9) iChat
10) My Mom
11) My sister, Edie
12) My brother, Dave
13) All my friends back home
14) My website had its most profitable day to DATE!
www.my-thank-you-site.com
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Day 43 - Going in Circles
Literally. I walked in circles around my house. If I walk really, really fast I can walk the entire circumference of the yard in one minute. I decided to walk around the yard 30 times. I couldn't keep the one minute rotation, but did complete 30 rotations in 40 minutes. It's something. I just gotta keep moving forward a little bit every day. I'm grateful for whatever gets done. I have faith that this frustrating clouded mood will pass. Trying not even type or think too much about it. I get much too angry, but hate being angry so as the old saying goes, rage turned inward = depression.
I feel claustrophobic in my own body sometimes. Trapped. It is so frustrating to want to move and do even basic things and be thwarted on such a consistent basis. Cracking shoulders, strained wrists, pain in my tooth. It feels like relief from pain is just some kind of dreamworld for everybody but me. I am grateful for being able to walk and do things like sit up, but I CANNOT STOP MYSELF FROM WANTING MORE! Each day I progress, I allow myself to dream of days of running free and strong and feel all the more depressed that the day is not today.
It has taken a long time to realize that what could be labeled as negative emotions and positive emotions ARE NOT mutually exclusive concepts. Bottling and stuffing my feelings only makes it harder to feel joy when it happens. I am grateful to know that, too. I wrote this when I started. I get to be up. I get to be down. I don't get to beat myself up for being either. So I won't. Here is where I am, and it is enough.
Yes chapter, yes meditation, 40 min. fast walking, yes journal, EIGHT glasses of water, SIX servings of fruits and vegetables. Yes work on screenplay, yes work on website. Checklist of eight complete.
I let myself have 1/2 cup of lowfat chocolate icecream (110 cal. 2.5 g. fat) and 2 cups of coffee w/ Splenda and creamer. 1/2 cup rice. No other sweets or simple carbs or fried foods.
Gratitude List (by no means comprehensive on the comedian front)
1) chocolate icecream
2) Kathy Griffin (comedian)
3) Maria Bamford (comedian)
4) John Camacho (musician)
5) The Goods (band)
6) Mongo (band)
7) Margaret Cho (comedian)
8) Jake Johannsen (comedian)
9) Andy Kindler (comedian)
10) Richard Pryor (comedian)
www.my-thank-you-site.com
I feel claustrophobic in my own body sometimes. Trapped. It is so frustrating to want to move and do even basic things and be thwarted on such a consistent basis. Cracking shoulders, strained wrists, pain in my tooth. It feels like relief from pain is just some kind of dreamworld for everybody but me. I am grateful for being able to walk and do things like sit up, but I CANNOT STOP MYSELF FROM WANTING MORE! Each day I progress, I allow myself to dream of days of running free and strong and feel all the more depressed that the day is not today.
It has taken a long time to realize that what could be labeled as negative emotions and positive emotions ARE NOT mutually exclusive concepts. Bottling and stuffing my feelings only makes it harder to feel joy when it happens. I am grateful to know that, too. I wrote this when I started. I get to be up. I get to be down. I don't get to beat myself up for being either. So I won't. Here is where I am, and it is enough.
Yes chapter, yes meditation, 40 min. fast walking, yes journal, EIGHT glasses of water, SIX servings of fruits and vegetables. Yes work on screenplay, yes work on website. Checklist of eight complete.
I let myself have 1/2 cup of lowfat chocolate icecream (110 cal. 2.5 g. fat) and 2 cups of coffee w/ Splenda and creamer. 1/2 cup rice. No other sweets or simple carbs or fried foods.
Gratitude List (by no means comprehensive on the comedian front)
1) chocolate icecream
2) Kathy Griffin (comedian)
3) Maria Bamford (comedian)
4) John Camacho (musician)
5) The Goods (band)
6) Mongo (band)
7) Margaret Cho (comedian)
8) Jake Johannsen (comedian)
9) Andy Kindler (comedian)
10) Richard Pryor (comedian)
www.my-thank-you-site.com
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Day 42 - 11 1/2 weeks to go
Okay I have 11 1/2 weeks until I got back to LA. My goals are:
Lose weight/increase fitness level
Continue Arnis training and knife-fighting techniques
Finish first draft of screenplay
hit 100 page benchmark on my website and/or $2000 monthly revenue
I am declaring a deadline of ONE set of photos a week (week ends Wednesdays), this allows me to find a day that I'm feeling good about taking a photo and not a bloated day.
Not so depressed today. I made an eight-point check list of stuff I want to do each day to get me closer to my goals. Even a little bit counts. Many of the stuff in here is the same stuff, but I'm super committed now. I did not practice Arnis much today. My shoulders are making this crazy clicking sound and starting to kind of hurt. Not the cool, I'm sore hurt, but that weird hmm I don't like that kind of hurt. And I've been having some wrist pain. So I figured maybe my wrists and shoulders need a complete day or two of rest to recover. I didn't realize how often I'll just be pacing around the room and pick up the stick to practice. It's way more often than I log. Tomorrow I'm going for a long walk in the morning before it gets too hot.
Yes journal, yes chapter, yes meditation (3), water EIGHT glasses, fruits/veggies FIVE, danced for five songs (15 min), no sweets today, no white bread but 1/2 cup white rice and bowl of oatmeal, no diet coke today, but 1 1/2 cups of coffee w/ non-dairy creamer (has some sugar).
Gratitude List
1) New spiral notebooks
2) CD cases
3) Bob Dylan
4) Eric Stoltz
5) imdb.com
6) Scriptwriter's Network
7) Comedy Central
8) trainedkillers.tv
9) free editing favors from good friends
10) Mad Magazine
www.my-thank-you-site.com
Lose weight/increase fitness level
Continue Arnis training and knife-fighting techniques
Finish first draft of screenplay
hit 100 page benchmark on my website and/or $2000 monthly revenue
I am declaring a deadline of ONE set of photos a week (week ends Wednesdays), this allows me to find a day that I'm feeling good about taking a photo and not a bloated day.
Not so depressed today. I made an eight-point check list of stuff I want to do each day to get me closer to my goals. Even a little bit counts. Many of the stuff in here is the same stuff, but I'm super committed now. I did not practice Arnis much today. My shoulders are making this crazy clicking sound and starting to kind of hurt. Not the cool, I'm sore hurt, but that weird hmm I don't like that kind of hurt. And I've been having some wrist pain. So I figured maybe my wrists and shoulders need a complete day or two of rest to recover. I didn't realize how often I'll just be pacing around the room and pick up the stick to practice. It's way more often than I log. Tomorrow I'm going for a long walk in the morning before it gets too hot.
Yes journal, yes chapter, yes meditation (3), water EIGHT glasses, fruits/veggies FIVE, danced for five songs (15 min), no sweets today, no white bread but 1/2 cup white rice and bowl of oatmeal, no diet coke today, but 1 1/2 cups of coffee w/ non-dairy creamer (has some sugar).
Gratitude List
1) New spiral notebooks
2) CD cases
3) Bob Dylan
4) Eric Stoltz
5) imdb.com
6) Scriptwriter's Network
7) Comedy Central
8) trainedkillers.tv
9) free editing favors from good friends
10) Mad Magazine
www.my-thank-you-site.com
Friday, August 10, 2007
Day 41 - To quote Simon and Garfunkel ...
Hello darkness my old friend. This has been creeping up on me. Annoyed with dental pain--AGAIN. Feeling grouchy. Won't even bother to type to much about it. Luloy could not make it to my lesson today. I'm still pretty sore anyway. I am in a very dark place. I hate it when this happens. Grateful to know remember it always passes. Nothing lasts forever. I know it. It's just when you're in it, you're in it. You know?
How do you spell Garfunkel, Garfunkle? I'm SO NOT even going to look that up.
Yes journal, yes meditation, yes chapter, all SIX servings of fruits and vegetables, ALL EIGHT glasses of water, NO white bread or sweets did have 1/2 cup white rice, practiced Arnis for 30 min (2 15 min sessions).
Gratitude List
1) Blue ink pens
2) asparagus
3) RSS feed
4) paper towels
5) $3 credit from Bank of America
6) Wide-tooth combs
7) Oprah episode on proper bra fitting (life-changing)
8) Bug spray
9) Grateful for first time to drink ALL my water, and eat fruits and veggies
10) School folders with both pockets and prongs, I love those
How do you spell Garfunkel, Garfunkle? I'm SO NOT even going to look that up.
Yes journal, yes meditation, yes chapter, all SIX servings of fruits and vegetables, ALL EIGHT glasses of water, NO white bread or sweets did have 1/2 cup white rice, practiced Arnis for 30 min (2 15 min sessions).
Gratitude List
1) Blue ink pens
2) asparagus
3) RSS feed
4) paper towels
5) $3 credit from Bank of America
6) Wide-tooth combs
7) Oprah episode on proper bra fitting (life-changing)
8) Bug spray
9) Grateful for first time to drink ALL my water, and eat fruits and veggies
10) School folders with both pockets and prongs, I love those
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Day 40 - So sore from Arnis
My legs are sore AGAIN! Which means I must be building muscles somewhere. What's amazing about studying Arnis is how engrossing the whole process is--although having a handsome and charming teacher doesn't hurt. My judgment may be skewed, because I've been alone for four months. He is single. :)
Anyway, my eating was pretty good today except those darn little pieces of bread w/ cinnamon in them. I couldn't help myself.
No journal. Yes meditation. No chapter. Five glasses of water, 30 min. Arnis practice (2 15 min. sessions), five servings of fruits and vegetables.
Currently on hold attempting for the fifth time to get a refund from an Earthlink account that I NEVER used and cancelled four different times over the last six months. In a strange coincidence, Maggie, my latest Earthlink customer service rep, is answering the telephone in THE PHILIPPINES. I have to call long distance to the US during US hours to speak to a phone rep in my time zone. Life is funny. Hold music is boring.
My teacher has to travel tomorrow. He may not be back in time for my lesson. I really hope he can make it. Whatever happens is what's meant to be I guess.
Today I am grateful for:
1) Earthlink freely acknowledges that I am due for a refund (now when I'm going to get it is another story)
2) Friend, Adell
3) new sweatpants (it's the little things in life)
4) visayanmartialarts.com
5) papaya salad
6) grapes
7) Rising Fico score
8) PCSO (Filipino Lottery, Mom keeps winning a few numbers each week)
9) Chinloong restaurant
10) quieter crowds at Gimmick
Anyway, my eating was pretty good today except those darn little pieces of bread w/ cinnamon in them. I couldn't help myself.
No journal. Yes meditation. No chapter. Five glasses of water, 30 min. Arnis practice (2 15 min. sessions), five servings of fruits and vegetables.
Currently on hold attempting for the fifth time to get a refund from an Earthlink account that I NEVER used and cancelled four different times over the last six months. In a strange coincidence, Maggie, my latest Earthlink customer service rep, is answering the telephone in THE PHILIPPINES. I have to call long distance to the US during US hours to speak to a phone rep in my time zone. Life is funny. Hold music is boring.
My teacher has to travel tomorrow. He may not be back in time for my lesson. I really hope he can make it. Whatever happens is what's meant to be I guess.
Today I am grateful for:
1) Earthlink freely acknowledges that I am due for a refund (now when I'm going to get it is another story)
2) Friend, Adell
3) new sweatpants (it's the little things in life)
4) visayanmartialarts.com
5) papaya salad
6) grapes
7) Rising Fico score
8) PCSO (Filipino Lottery, Mom keeps winning a few numbers each week)
9) Chinloong restaurant
10) quieter crowds at Gimmick
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Day 39 Everything and Nothing -- All at Once
Howdy Everybody! And by everybody, I mean Suzette and mythical visitors in some future time.
I've had both a lot AND simultaneously NOTHING going on. My Arnis (stick fighting) lessons are getting increasingly longer, (now 90 minutes long and very hard). My business is growing at a rapid rate and will soon be profitable. And I've opted to extend my stay in the Philippines by another month.
In Los Angeles, I am a very social person with sporadic hibernation periods. Just before I left the pressure of a large social circle (especially the company of eccentric yet neurotic artists), was kind of burning me out--too many phone calls to return and too much rain checking people who were getting pissed off that I couldn't hang out.
Here, I have had none of that and by NONE I mean I have not had one social invitation extended to me in this entire country. I have had social invitations sent via E-mail like today for a REALLY COOL PARTY that I'd previously would have taken for granted but now would KILL TO GO TO, but it is in LOS ANGELES. Every time I see an actor friend of mine on some tv re-run here, I am very happy but a little more homesick, too. I thought I hated all the pettiness of my LA life, but it wasn't ALL bad. I've just got to figure out how to negotiate the fun, artistic, stuff, without getting bogged down by the social climby, back-stabby, petty, stuff.
These days, I have essentially been trapped in a room with my computer and had very limited contact with other people. Although, not being distracted by social engagements has been good for my other goals for these last four months, if I'm gonna be able to stick it out here for 12 more weeks a friend or two in this country would not hurt. I don't just love my stick fighting lessons for the fitness--I CRAVE THE COMPANY.
It's been nice to have somebody to talk to other than my Mom (who I love and we get along), but she's retired and spends her time gardening and sitting on the porch. What can you say to the same person for four months:
INT. KITCHEN -- DAY
Christy gets a cup of coffee. Mom enters. Christy looks up.
CHRISTY
Anything exciting happen since
I last saw you--15 minutes ago? (beat)
Like maybe something with the grass? Or
on the porch?
Mom is either ignoring Christy or did not hear her. She shuffles to counter, grabs a coffee mug, and sets it next to Christy's. Christy pours Mom a cup of coffee.
MOM
Thanks, kid.
Mom stirs cream and sugar into her coffee. Then starts toward the porch.
CHRISTY
I'll be at my computer or pacing next to it
talking to myself if you need me.
Mom laughs and jokingly rolls her eyes.
MOM
Don't be so melodramatic.
------
That may have been very boring to read and for that I apologize. I AM LIVING THAT. Other conversations with Mom have actually included her saying "What are you staring at?" with my witty retort, "What are you staring at?" and me just randomly poking her while she tries to watch tv. It's like I am NINE YEARS OLD and these four months are the longest drive to Grandma and Grandpa's house ever. We're just joking around and not getting on each others nerves, which is cool, but we are definitely running out of things to say. Sometimes we will each get randomly lonely, walk to where the other person is and just say the words, "Bother, bother" and then sit there. It's kind of funny how loopy we're getting.
Which brings me to my long-winded point. I am grateful for my friends in Los Angeles that still write and call. I really have the tendencies toward the extremes. I will work on more of a balance socially here. It's the same with my romantic relationships as well. Intense relationship, rapid dating, NO DATING, rapid dating, intense relationship. Blah, blah, blah.
Man, I wish I blogged on the days when I got in ALL my fruits and vegetables and water. I was on A ROLL at the beginning of this month. But today, No journal, no chapter, no meditation (probably why I'm a little drained) 4 glasses of water, too many cups of coffee, 90 minutes stick fighting, 3 servings fruit and vegetables, two pieces cinnamon bread. (Yikes)
Gratitude List
1) As mentioned above FRIENDS in Los Angeles
2) Cinnamon bread
3) Tofu
4) contact lense case (what it took to find one in Dumaguete was a miracle)
5) Healthy tooth and the ability to eat on BOTH side of my mouth. Yahoo!
6) E-mail
7) My friends book getting published!
8) 31 extra days
9) July business earnings and growth
10) New transformer/converter thingy and the fact that I did NOT burn the house down despite all the smoke caused by my American hairdryer blowing up the last transformer/converter thingy
11) A mom who humors my "melodramatic" tendencies
I've had both a lot AND simultaneously NOTHING going on. My Arnis (stick fighting) lessons are getting increasingly longer, (now 90 minutes long and very hard). My business is growing at a rapid rate and will soon be profitable. And I've opted to extend my stay in the Philippines by another month.
In Los Angeles, I am a very social person with sporadic hibernation periods. Just before I left the pressure of a large social circle (especially the company of eccentric yet neurotic artists), was kind of burning me out--too many phone calls to return and too much rain checking people who were getting pissed off that I couldn't hang out.
Here, I have had none of that and by NONE I mean I have not had one social invitation extended to me in this entire country. I have had social invitations sent via E-mail like today for a REALLY COOL PARTY that I'd previously would have taken for granted but now would KILL TO GO TO, but it is in LOS ANGELES. Every time I see an actor friend of mine on some tv re-run here, I am very happy but a little more homesick, too. I thought I hated all the pettiness of my LA life, but it wasn't ALL bad. I've just got to figure out how to negotiate the fun, artistic, stuff, without getting bogged down by the social climby, back-stabby, petty, stuff.
These days, I have essentially been trapped in a room with my computer and had very limited contact with other people. Although, not being distracted by social engagements has been good for my other goals for these last four months, if I'm gonna be able to stick it out here for 12 more weeks a friend or two in this country would not hurt. I don't just love my stick fighting lessons for the fitness--I CRAVE THE COMPANY.
It's been nice to have somebody to talk to other than my Mom (who I love and we get along), but she's retired and spends her time gardening and sitting on the porch. What can you say to the same person for four months:
INT. KITCHEN -- DAY
Christy gets a cup of coffee. Mom enters. Christy looks up.
CHRISTY
Anything exciting happen since
I last saw you--15 minutes ago? (beat)
Like maybe something with the grass? Or
on the porch?
Mom is either ignoring Christy or did not hear her. She shuffles to counter, grabs a coffee mug, and sets it next to Christy's. Christy pours Mom a cup of coffee.
MOM
Thanks, kid.
Mom stirs cream and sugar into her coffee. Then starts toward the porch.
CHRISTY
I'll be at my computer or pacing next to it
talking to myself if you need me.
Mom laughs and jokingly rolls her eyes.
MOM
Don't be so melodramatic.
------
That may have been very boring to read and for that I apologize. I AM LIVING THAT. Other conversations with Mom have actually included her saying "What are you staring at?" with my witty retort, "What are you staring at?" and me just randomly poking her while she tries to watch tv. It's like I am NINE YEARS OLD and these four months are the longest drive to Grandma and Grandpa's house ever. We're just joking around and not getting on each others nerves, which is cool, but we are definitely running out of things to say. Sometimes we will each get randomly lonely, walk to where the other person is and just say the words, "Bother, bother" and then sit there. It's kind of funny how loopy we're getting.
Which brings me to my long-winded point. I am grateful for my friends in Los Angeles that still write and call. I really have the tendencies toward the extremes. I will work on more of a balance socially here. It's the same with my romantic relationships as well. Intense relationship, rapid dating, NO DATING, rapid dating, intense relationship. Blah, blah, blah.
Man, I wish I blogged on the days when I got in ALL my fruits and vegetables and water. I was on A ROLL at the beginning of this month. But today, No journal, no chapter, no meditation (probably why I'm a little drained) 4 glasses of water, too many cups of coffee, 90 minutes stick fighting, 3 servings fruit and vegetables, two pieces cinnamon bread. (Yikes)
Gratitude List
1) As mentioned above FRIENDS in Los Angeles
2) Cinnamon bread
3) Tofu
4) contact lense case (what it took to find one in Dumaguete was a miracle)
5) Healthy tooth and the ability to eat on BOTH side of my mouth. Yahoo!
6) E-mail
7) My friends book getting published!
8) 31 extra days
9) July business earnings and growth
10) New transformer/converter thingy and the fact that I did NOT burn the house down despite all the smoke caused by my American hairdryer blowing up the last transformer/converter thingy
11) A mom who humors my "melodramatic" tendencies
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