The Most Powerful Reason Why

I wasn't going to post today. I was just gonna go around to some of the shredder blogs and soak up a little inspiration, when I read something in Lynda's Blog that really tapped into what I needed to hear:

"The reason for exercising and eating well. It´s to be able to live life to the hilt in every way..."

I really want that. God, I think about nothing else almost every day. A friend of mine had been keeping my guitar for me while I was in the Philippines. I studied music when I was a kid and up through college, but I never really was much of a guitar player. I played violin in the orchestra, but I gave that up years before the accident. After the car accident, I had a nerve damage on my ulnar nerve of my left arm from where the other car hit. I couldn't really play much, but nerve stuff is weird. I kept the pressure off my arm, watched the way I slept and took a break from playing any music for the last three years. I thought I'd try the other day, because I'd started work on some comedy songs that I wanted to work out.

Holy SMOKES! I couldn't use my left hand for nearly two days. There isn't too much tingling, but my hand is SO WEAK. And the pain kind of grew to scary levels. But I'm glad I tried so I know that I'm weak. Now that I know, I can work on slowly building my strength in my hand over time so I can play again. I'd be lying if I didn't say it made me super sad. Maybe it was the pain. Sometimes that's a bummer.

It was so strange. One of my sister's bands, Dimebox Band, had their CD release party last night, and my friend Joey Buttler had a show on Friday that Edie and I went to. It was really fun and inspiring, but later I was surprised that I was kind of sad about not being able to play and how long it will take to just be able to again.

I went to the music store and bought a guitar book and a new capo anyway. Nothing lasts forever. I'm typing with both hands right now. But yeah, one day soon I'll be playing my guitar, running really fast, and wearing high heeled shoes even on concrete floors while standing for hours at a time and climbing any set of stairs without even a second thought. I wish it were today though. Soon.

Re-Focused on Health

I've been sick as a dog for the entire week. I've been back to reading blogs. I've got to say the break did me a lot of good. I got to see what writing in this blog does for me. It allows me to put my focus on my health in a way that's right for me. I get to be in the company of other people who are also putting their focus on their health in a way that's right for them. It's really cool. Everybody is so different and yet united. It's really cool. I did notice that my vegetable and fruit eating started to slip along with my water drinking and even my back exercises and meditation. But I can feel this flu lifting, and I'm glad to get back in the States. It's so exciting about the ECSS and being back in here in LA. My best friend, Sylvia, might start blogging soon. She's the person who I used to do my "Just One Thing" and 90 day plans. My Internet business is earning more, and I'm looking to expand into more sites soon.

I had some thoughts while reading Suzette's blog and some other shredders' wisdom

A rant in c minor ...

Reading Suzette's blog on powerful reasons why, really got me thinking about what I want for me and my fitness. I was very specific in setting my goals for this mission (where the accountability tool ends on January 8, but is my life's mission) to not include any specific number. I state my goal and say that my success will be reflected numerically (in that the laws of physics and general nutrition will still apply to me) and then what some other sources have to say about the numbers.

I know that setting specific goals is a really good tool for getting what you want, but for some reason when it comes to health people focus on the numbers. My goal is specific. It is TRULY what I want.

Suzette wrote about playing basketball for cardio and how great it would feel and even wrote about how mopping for five hours at work was a real workout and how she likes looking in the mirror and feeling good, etc. I want to feel that.

I read in Dougal's blog of his vision of taking his loved ones to the beach and enjoying his body and the feeling he got and how that feeling even felt like his kids were happier, etc. Yeah, I want that feeling.

Dougal wrote about the scale and why it's not a good measure of progress how body fat is a better indicator of your fitness. And that's true, but what I'm afraid of is getting caught up and depressed because I didn't hit a certain fat % number.

Same thing with the photos. I know I'm eating right and my body feels good, I FEEL like I look good, and I can feel myself getting stronger (ALL WHAT I REALLY WANT FROM MY TRANSFORMATION), and then I stare at my photos and notice no change and get depressed.

But ALL of those things, weight, body fat, photo results are JUST INDICATORS to clue me in on my progress. NONE OF THEM ARE THE GOAL.

MY goal will and shall never again be a number or to look a certain way.

Because those numbers are not specific enough. Numbers to me are just indicators of what some people have noticed correlates to a certain degree of look or appearance. But the truth is what I want in my physical self, this physique transformation, is to have no barriers to my experience of life.

To walk freely, to not pull weird muscles while sleeping (what up with that?), to run and jump and carry stuff that needs carrying without worry or too much strain, to feel confident in my skin, feel strong, feel attract.

FEELINGS. Yes, they don't look as concrete and are not easy to quantify, but I don't give a damn. It is still very specific. My goals have power. My words and thoughts impact my happiness. I feel things intensely and choose to spare myself the grief that those kind of goals bring me.

Because as Lilla said in a comment I read, think of what you, really, really, really want.

I don't want a number. To paraphrase John Travolta on Oprah, I want to live life well.

One day, I want to live so well and so in the moment that I have no goals. But as I've written before, that day is obviously not today, because that sounds like a goal. lol

PS My weight is my only stat, because its the only one I have access to as I am in the Philippines and my mobility issues make it hard for me to get to the market. I get to have my weight by going to a particular wing of the hospital once a week. My physical therapist uses it to gage how many pounds of pressure to use for my the traction they put me in for my back. Plus, my food plan tool (until I can more accurately gage my body's needs by just feeling, because that gage has been thrown a bit off kilter from crazy diets that said my Mission One was done never stepping on a scale or pre-written diet plan, no daily pics but a few, I posted before and after photos on Day 8, Nov. 2nd post) uses my weight to determine the amount of "Points" I can eat.